STV - Personal Story With A Soundtrack - Manipulation, will he ever see?

Boy, I really can´t read, I always thought a Spread the Vibes post needed to be triggered by a post (but we will get to that much later).

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And as I learned from the master we should bend the rules, if the rules do not fit our purpose, I planned to do so this week.
This week's #spreadingthevibes post is triggered by a reply I got, not a post.

That reply allowed me to vent something that has been making me nauseous these last couple of days. It was @thisismylife asking about the soon-to-be ex-wife in my unbelievable true story Providential.

Now for those unhappy few that read my story I tried, I really did. But the situation was unbearable, she was always trying to get her way by lying and twisting the truth.
I should have listened to the warning the Dots gave me when I was just a kid, I would have been much better off🤣

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Of course, I did not listen and even after 6 years of divorce, this seems to still be going on. This time she lied about their trip to the United States. She would go visit her boyfriend over there and take my son Kyrian with her. They would go for max three months she said, and everything was arranged with the school she said.

So I signed a paper agreeing that my 17-year-old son could go to the States for a Holiday. That was six months ago....

What Happened?

She decided to marry her boyfriend, which is absolutely fine. The thing she they did not tell me was that after marrying she planned to stay in the US.

This meant my boy would not finish his last year of school. This was something that was not discussed, which according to the law should be done.

Instead, miss Stephie bent the truth by saying it was a holiday, a holiday with no end. Now my son is almost 18 years old, so should I truly visit the court to get this sorted? That is just not my style, so I accepted the situation.

Yes I am an easy going guy

I am easy, easy like this lazy Sunday morning, easy because my son and I had that talk already a year ago.

We had talked about the possibility of him moving to the states and I had told him that I would support him in any choice he would make.

So where were we?

He was staying with his newlywed mom in the USA waiting on a green card. I was not told about the plans, about the impact on his education, or about the marriage. This kinda made clear that decency was not part of her vocabulary, but that was nothing new.

I did not want to cause a fuzz by going to a judge.
Just like I did not want to make their lives more difficult when we were fined by the Spanish tax office. We had to pay a 5K penalty, I did not ask her for a penny.

Just like I let her keep the car, because my son needed that, while I was the one paying for the car. I felt it was my responsibility to him, but it was not part of the divorce agreement.

Okay enough wining done, just trying to paint a picture here. A picture of a guy that takes his responsibilities seriously.
I always tried to do the best thing for the both of them, vice versa I felt that they never considered my situation. I would get a call that they needed a paper and would come to pick it up tomorrow.

Nobody asked me if I had time to get it printed or if I was at home at all that day. There are many more examples but let´s get to the point of this story.

The message without a bottle

Getting to the point of this rant is that for years she has been using my son to ask and arrange things. Things that are hers to ask.

Last month he messaged me asking if I could send the alimony earlier than normal, a week later he messaged me asking me what date we got divorced.

That last question btw gave away the marriage plans, it was confirmed when a colleague of mine, that has her still on facebook, congratulated me on her new husband three weeks after Kyrian asked about the divorce date.

Now these things should not be coming through him, but okay I am easy and accepted that she used him to avoid having to talk to me. Why wouldn´t you want to talk to me, I am such an easy going guy. Did she have something to hide?

And then this happened:

Hey pops how are you doing I hope everything is going good

I could really use your help you see to be able to get mi green card we need to give an international or English divorce decree and it's hard to get it from here plus my mother is filling sick so she can't get it done so

it would really help me if you would have one or could get one and send me or my mother a scan or something like that and this will also help letting me come to Spain and visit you since the lawyer said it was best to stay till I get my green card and I really want to come visit again

The funniest thing is my ex made me send a similar letter to my dad when we needed money to buy a car. Literally using that same initiation of the message saying I could really use your help.

My boy ain´t stupid but he would never use the wording "divorce decree."

I never heard him say "it would really help me" and then he we come to the worst part:

"This will also help me come to Spain and visit you," which is emotional blackmail if you ask me because if I would not help out it was like I did not want to help him.

Even worse was the fact that it would allow his mom to tell him: "You see, your dad doesn´t care about you, he is not even willing to help you so you can come to Spain."

So what was I supposed to reply???

My initial reaction F U! Not to him but to the lady that had whispered the whole message into his ear.

My second reaction was, should I actually consider the impact of my reaction?

Then that song started playing in my head again:

And you can feel her madness
she will call you out
watch out for her dark side
cause you'll soon figure out
so run on
she's training you
and she's got you dancing

It used to be me who she got dancing, it used to be me whom she manipulated. She has mastered that skill so well, it took me so long to see through those lies, but nowadays I hear warned by this song when she is up to one of her tricks again.

What did I do?

The only thing I did not think about was helping them out. I have cleaned her mess up for years, but not anymore. This didn´t mean I would not have shared a copy if I had one, but I was not going to chase this for her. Especially not the way I was being blackmailed into helping her.

I waited an hour and took a deep breath before writing the below reply:

Hi Buddy,
I don't have one. If I had one I would have sent a copy. But I have no idea where or how to get it.

This is really something your mom should have taken care of before going.
It's nothing to do with you, I miss you a lot and I am still getting used to the idea, but if you're happy there I am happy.

What I am not happy with is solving your mom's problems.
It even makes me sad that it's asked of me like this. That is not your fault, it's probably your mom asking you but this is her thing to solve.

So I hope you don't take this the wrong way and I understand that it's better not to leave till you get the green card. But this is something your mom should have thought of I am not going to chase this.

She should ask her family to fix this for her if it's hard to get it done over there.

And if your aunt or anyone needs a copy of the Spanish version I can make a copy. But really this is one your mom to solve and not on you or me.

It's very sweet that you try to help with this, but it's not for you or me to solve.

Hopefully, you understand my point of view and understand that it has nothing to do with you.

Love you a lot

I felt so cheated!

After a few days, I still feel cheated by that message, first of all, because it was not his message. I know him, and I know her, this was the same letter she made me write to my dad years ago.

Secondly, because whatever I would answer will bite me in the butt. There was no right answer unless I would say Yes, I will.
That was the only thing I would never say. I tried to be as gentle and honest in my reply as I could and maybe one day he would see that & the manipulation.

Mostly I felt cheated by the fact that I did not get any reply. I was put on the chopping block, I provided a reply. That reply was of course not what they were looking for, but to not reply at all. That is a lack of decency that I would expect from my ex-wife, not of my son.

So now I sit here this weekend being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Should I tell him that no reply is not that nice after asking this from your father? Or should I leave it be for now, and wait till the day that he will see it a bit more my way?

Bottom Line

I still do not know what to do, but I think using Spread The Vibes on my lazy Sunday morning is a great way to vent my vibes and let go.

Life is too short to worry about things you can not change, so I will just enjoy my coffee on my Spanish balcony without worrying about anyone's green card, because that is not my fluffing problem😎

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Epilog

When will I learn to read? @edje I finally read the rules properly and noticed that I have been breaking every single one of them since I started my Spreading The Vibes Journey.

From now on I will respect the rules, or at least most of them! So please feel free to not consider this a #STV post in the way it´s meant to be. Hence to complete with at least one rule, @thisismylife you are hereby invited to start spreading the vibes.

The #STV Rules

Post Content:

• your reaction to the music that was shared with you
• your music selection and related story
• your invites of other HIVE members
• link to the post you react to
  Post Tags
• include #spreadthevibes #music
  Post Community
• any community you like

What is Spread the Vibes?

If you want to know more about the #STV challenge not a challenge then here is the launch post: please clikerdeeclick me and find out more.

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