🎥 Movie Review: Troll 2 (1990)

🎥 Movie Review: Troll 2 (1990)
⭐ Rating: 1/5 (but 5/5 in our hearts)

There are bad movies. There are so-bad-they're-good movies. And then there's Troll 2 — a cinematic enigma that dares to ask: what if we made a sequel to a movie, but didn’t include a single troll, hired a cast of non-actors, and wrote the script in broken English translated from Italian?

The plot (if you can call it that) follows a family vacationing in the cursed town of Nilbog — which, as an 11-year-old boy reveals with Scooby-Doo levels of deductive genius, is "Goblin" spelled backward. Here, vegetarian goblins disguise themselves as humans to trick tourists into eating green goop that turns them into edible plant mush. Yes, that’s the actual premise.

Acting ranges from “high school play” to “public access hostage video.” Dialogue includes immortal lines like “They’re eating her… and then they’re going to eat me! Oh my God!” — delivered with the emotional depth of a stunned goldfish. The film's special effects? Picture a Halloween store melting during a heat wave.

And yet… Troll 2 is captivating. Not because it’s good — but because it thinks it is. It’s earnest. It’s wild. It’s made with a sincerity that makes its failures feel almost noble. It's the cinematic equivalent of a child earnestly showing you their crayon drawing of a dragon, and you can’t help but love it — even though the dragon looks like a green chicken with rabies.

This is not a movie. It’s an experience. A rite of passage. A cult classic with its own documentary (Best Worst Movie) and loyal fanbase. You don’t just watch Troll 2 — you survive it. And if you’re lucky, you laugh so hard you forget your brain is bleeding.

The band JURN was inspired to make a song out of it.

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