The Paths of Water, and of Life, and the Choice I Made, (with Schubert Teaching and Strauss Welcoming, and TWO Adjunct Bass Professors)

All photos are by the author, Deeann D. Mathews, in Golden Gate Park on May 15, 2024

Long ago, Robert Frost wrote of two roads that diverged in a wood, and given how influential he was, I wonder if my newest great bass discovery also knew of it when he sang of the paths of water in 1982!

I heard one line of Wout Oosterkamp singing in Beethoven's Mass in C and I was on a search to hear more ... his purring, deep woodwind timbre reminded me of Kurt Möll, but in a voice with the immediate expressiveness of Martti Talvela and the unrelenting blackness of Gottlob Frick with the lightness of fellow bass-baritone Hans Hotter in the baritone range ... and oh, I was not disappointed!

It was Schubert's "Der Strom" that riveted me ... a man describes his life as a rushing river, rolling unhappily onward, though sometimes in still valleys and green fields, delighting in their calm and wishing he could stay ... but never able to rest, impelled ever onward, ever longing, never to rest! All the light and shade and pathos -- Mr. Oosterkamp captures it all in his bass-baritone! "Der Strom" is the first song in this mini-recital. "Fahrt zum Hades," with its travel down the black river Styx to the realm of the dead is a perfect follow up (even KEYWISE, it matches)! But then, "Fischerweise" -- "The Fisher's Way" -- a bright song of a fisherman at peace in his work, at home on the river, so much so that he sees a beautiful shepherdess presumably fishing for him, but since he is content with his life, he and she will not be entangled in the other's nets!

"Der Strom" reminded me of the character in Winterreise, also by Schubert, forever without rest while seeking it, just in winter fields -- also in proximity to safety, but unfit for it ... yet there is something about "Der Strom" that is uniquely terrifying ... something that makes the logic of pairing it with "Fahrt zum Hades" perfect ... for to reach the deep calm of the sea would be one thing, but to be forever restless ... to reach, to be in, to even delight in still valleys and green fields ... but not be fitted to rest there ... indeed, a journey to hell could only be next! By contrast, peace and purpose and rest and a refusal to be lured away by one's own lusts comes out on the water in "Fischerweise" -- it depends on the person, not the circumstances!

This also tells me that the MIND and SOUL of Wout Oosterkamp compares with that of my favorite three basses. Interestingly, Mr. Oosterkamp did follow the wisdom of "Fischerweise" all the way out. He joined the Benedictine Order, and so retired as a MONK!

"I see you have followed another beautiful bass voice to another journey of biographical and personal discovery ... how you pick up these clues about who people are through what they sing about is remarkable, Frau Mathews."

The Ghost of Musical Greatness Past arrived with a smile, attired in a hiking suit of stone blue -- recalling Commendatore on the hike, at about 60 years of age. That was subtle preparation for later events ... grave ones, but for the moment, I passed over that in my mind.

"Only you, Frau Mathews -- you loved three basses who played monks and actually found a bass-baritone who truly went the extra mile!"

"There was just something about how he was singing in Beethoven's Mass in C in 1986 ... all voices are unique, but he stood out in one line, and there are only a few basses I have ever heard that do that!

"Also, I sensed a parallel to what you did in choosing your ten songs in Brahms in his choice of three Schubert songs to sing... the mind of Mr. Oosterkamp, communicating strongly who he was through the lieder of his choice, and the order of his choice: the life of a man swept along by the restless spirit of the Romantic age, unable to find rest, and ending precisely where he should since that river can reach no peaceful sea ... ."

"You live along the Pacific Ocean and not the North Sea or the Atlantic, so of course that would come to your mind, Frau Mathews, although I make the note that the idea you have is regionally not quite right."

"I will acknowledge your note, and remind you of your own recording of Meeresleucthen, sir, which could only have taken place along the North Sea, since there is no position from Germany in which the sun could set over the Atlantic."

"Point likewise acknowledged," he said with a smile. "Your geographic knowledge is sound. I will meet you where you are going, then -- surely the river described in 'Der Strom' meets no holy, still, and illuminated end, but instead that black river of eternal night."

"But then, still along a river, Mr. Oosterkamp shows us the way out -- through the wisdom of a fisherman, in his calling, in his purpose, and refusing to be drawn away from the place of his rest!" I said. "Mr. Oosterkamp followed the idea all the way out in his life!"

"And is still following it, 21 years on," my companion said.

"Talk about consistency!" I said. "This is what I love about him, and you, and Martti Talvela, and Jerome Hines -- y'all were not just singing about it! Y'all were about it!"

"Suppose we get about it ourselves, Frau Mathews, and take a walk? Your city is silver-cast today, but the wind is not contrary, and although your city has no river officially, I believe I remember where there is a waterway with a falls on both ends."

"And a hill in the middle -- sold!" I said.

So, back out to the vast expanse of Golden Gate Park, where calm meadows covered in San Francisco's spring apology for the lack of snow...

... rivaled other meadows gilded with California gold ...

... and all of them were nestled so deeply in the trees that what wind there was could not bother anyone in the center of them. Had that not been the beginning of the journey, I might have gladly rested in either one ... diamonds and gold under silver skies ... and on a warmer day, I shall return ... the rose garden is near there ...

Amidst this portion of our journey, I noted my companion's silence. His movements were slower and more deliberate than usual, and since it could be neither age nor actual physical gravity doing that, it had to be the gravity of what he had to impart for his corollary for the lesson of the day that Mr. Oosterkamp had already brought me. Yet he said nothing until we reached Prayerbrook Falls ...

... and were as close to the falls as we could actually go without getting wet on the bank.

"I am actually thinking about the end of last week's lesson, and my perennial admonition to you, Frau Mathews -- nur ruhe. Your discovery of Mr. Oosterkamp and his magnificent voice is no accident; his singing to you of a great danger is also an echo. Indeed, it is possible to come to the place of rest, and to even savor of its delights, but not enter it with the possibility of remaining."

I thought back a long way ... to me, the single most terrifying passage of Scripture is found in Numbers 14 ... when people got right up to the door of the Promised Land, got scared, got faithless, and got turned back into the wilderness, that whole generation lost save for two men.

"Consider first your former companions, all of whom had proximity to all good things in Heaven and Earth that you could bridge for them in telling and teaching and training. They were so close, Frau Mathews. You were so gentle in your leaving that only time has emphasized the finality of your decision for some ... and you have left so many available lifelines that they are still so close. They have not been locked in where they are ... but, meine Tochter, they need not be locked in where they are content to stay. No matter how true the word of warning or blessing, and no matter how much sincere love is back of it, unless that word meets with belief in the receiver, nothing changes except another excuse for the one who refuses the truth has been taken away."

By this time we had retraced our steps along the shore and come to the trail upward...

... and that went up to the hill quite steeply...

... and thus I was reminded that everyone had to climb for themselves.

Alas, Prayerbrook Cross Hill does not have a beautiful header pool; it does, however, have a cross marking the spot of the first Christian service done in English in San Francisco, and is the third highest spot in the park after Strawberry Hill and the flank of Lone Mountain.

The falls seems to proceed out of the side of the hill as if Moses had struck the rock, crystalline in freeze-frame:

But after that, the real fun starts ...

... a descent more challenging than even Strawberry Hill, with no stairs and a rough, uneven trail!

"So, I'm not understanding how the character in 'Irrlicht,' in winter, is casually and calmly following the river valley out if this here is anything like that -- I actually have to pick my steps like a real climber here!" I said.

"Well," my companion said, "that's half the point. He's taking a situation that is deadly dangerous and making it a casual affair ... and of course there was some little German bass singing like he apparently did not know the danger he was in, with how all those high notes fall at the end."

"I try to imagine that an octave up as a contralto," I said, "and, yeah, you made that sound easy, but no."

"But see, Frau Mathews, you think. When you think about that particular journey, and how Müller the post and Schubert the composer wrote that to make the same point, then you understand what is happening and that the character is making light of a serious matter -- a deadly decision he will not be able to reverse."

At last below, I spotted Prayer Brook gently rushing ...

... and also that the trail I was on would at last join John F. Kennedy Drive ...

... and so at last we arrived there...

... and downward we followed it ...

Upon paying close attention, I noticed there was an island in the midst of it, so...

... over and on to get this shot ...

... and this, looking back at the little island ...

"Went with you over that hard path downward and now you are a Geselle moving like a gazelle over these little obstacles -- Frau Mathews, that is not an actual path!"

"Too late!" I said, and was gone through while we both were laughing ...

Geselle is the term used in Winterreise for the character when he is gently called by the linden tree, and it translates to "journeyman," telling us something about him: he had stopped at the home of the woman he loved perhaps for seasonal work, and fallen in love ... but because he was "just a journeyman," her father had decided she should have a husband of her own class, so, the journeyman, heartbroken, heads out into a winter that will never see the spring. However, there is a purpose and a skill level to a Geselle -- hence, my companion was giving me a compliment about my physical ability having increased as we got uncommon views of this brook by the side of the road ...

... and the local wildlife got uncommon views of us ...

... before swimming off, not about to be bothered with me at the moment when I made a big splash because my legs said, 'You should have listened to that old bass!'

But, as it happened, I was steady enough, and we pressed on uphill, the water actually flowing uphill into a very quiet place ...

... the murmuring very soft, and I thought of that portion in 'Der Strom' in which the man speaks of coming to gentle places and delighting in them ...

"On a sunny day, this would be ideal for us to stop and have some lunch," I said. "You of course may have to pack a lunch from your home just like I will from mine, but ..."

He rolled laughing on the bank!

"You have not yet seen a body of water you do not want me to fall into, Frau Mathews!"

"But to stay with the theme of the day, we could indeed stay up here, because we are fitted to do so! But this water cannot remain here!"

Indeed, we rounded the path and then I realized I had gotten up a bit higher than planned -- above the falls!

... and downward ...

... until at last, through the calming rocks, Prayer Brook's second falls tumbled into Lloyd Lake...

... and all its peace!

My companion spoke, having dropped his voice just as precipitously into his double-deep range, but gently...

"So, Prayer Brook ends in a peaceful place, with calm banks ... I led you this way today because I wanted you to understand the paths of life we choose, as demonstrated by the path of water in a careful planner's hand ... water in a careful planner's hand comes to the right place. All Creation acknowledges this general rule, without choice ... but human beings have choice."

He was composed, but the waters rippled slightly ...

"Although I am past being worried, I am capable of caring so deeply that it still brings up quite strong emotion and even some tension because I desire to communicate in the best way with you, and you require gentleness. A side lesson: both of us come from direct cultures, but men are more direct than women, and sometimes will seek out "drill sergeant" types of experiences. Know that a man who is wise will recognize that the nature of women is different in general, and if he loves you, he will learn to address you in a manner that honors your particular nature. You are sensitive ... an artist and one attuned with nature ... but also, you think deeply about deep matters, and that takes time.

"Because there is no quarrel in love, and thus no need and desire to force understanding where it takes time to grasp it, I waited a week before telling you there is no bridge, and I have waited two weeks to remind you that your former companions had close proximity to you for twenty-three of the last twenty-nine months, and you put down lifelines, signposts, and lights, scaffolded lessons, drew maps -- so when you in the sweet sincerity of your heart on the horseshoe courts two weeks ago were talking about somebody has to do it as if somehow it still remained to be done ... ."

2022 and 2023 flashed before my eyes, suddenly clear of the fog of pain and grief ... he was right!

"So then, Frau Mathews, the warning of 'Der Strom' is sent to no one but you. You have had twenty-nine months to your former companions' twenty-three months -- there remains no further excuse for you to not rest from your labors relative to that which will never be. You are the one in danger now."

He had the appearance of Commendatore for good reason ... I had a choice before me I did not know I had.

"I am not sent to ask you to stop loving, for that is not possible. Love is eternal. I am saying to you, love and trust the One Who loves you best, and walk forward without any further delaying concern that is causing you to miss opportunities stacking up on your doorstep. Yet as it is for your former companions, the choice is yours."

It seemed an eternity might have passed, in that quiet San Francisco valley, in the midst of the green fields of Golden Gate Park ... I knew about the opportunities stacking up ... the challenge had been a strong resurgence of anguish because the divide, if all of those opportunities panned out, would be an even greater gulf ... but then again, already, there was no bridge. Had there been, after twenty-nine months, I would not be alone. Another separate advance, or a dozen, made no difference.

Then there was my nightmare regarding the future ... Wout Oosterkamp had touched it in 'Fahrt zum Hades' ... I knew, by virtue of spiritual, historical, and financial studies, that many of my former companions were heading for individual and collective disaster. If only, while they had time, they would turn ... but if they did not, what they might well do was turn their resentment and their hate on the very one who had showed them the way they had refused. This is why I had gotten distance. I understand human nature, all too well. Perhaps I needed more distance, actually.

For I, who had turned, had my own duties and privileges to attend to ... and then I remembered my dream of Christmas Eve morning last year ... I heard a choir with higher and lower notes than any mortal choir could sing, singing these words in my dreams over me ... "Come unto Me, all ye that labor ... all ye that labor and are heavy laden ... come unto Me, come unto Me" from soprano, down to alto, down to tenor, and then that bass section had joined that last full chord: "AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST!"

My whole duty -- my whole entire duty remaining in life -- was to walk in accord with what I said I believed, no matter what anyone else did. It mattered not how the pain shrieked and the nightmare howled periodically, for obeying them would only lead to more of the same. Yet before me, in the right choice, was more and more rest from all that. Already I had experienced it.

All was still and peaceful around me ... I had been brought to beautiful peace and rest ... yes, the pain and nightmare were still there within me, roused up before the choice ... but I turned from them and walked forward.

"Nur ruhe," I said aloud. "Only rest ... I choose the rest I have been granted."

My companion's face, for one moment, worried me -- one would have thought he had been stabbed through the heart -- but his relief and joy had hit him just that hard, and his dazzling smile as I put a steadying arm around him confirmed this! Then he burst forth in a song of spring, and of one who returns to a peaceful valley in springtime after a life long enough spent in the ravening, rushing world, and realizes: he is home, and whatever his life and even death may be, he never need leave this place of rest again. Thus, 'Das Tal," or "The Valley" at last becomes "my valley" ... home, for good.

My knight in song knew his job, as ever, and in his utter joy let the approximation of his mortal voice get right up to the edge of the power of his immortal voice ... I forgot what pain was, and surely everyone within earshot did as well!

When Strauss's beautiful song was finished, the singer was not ashamed to let his tears be seen as he folded me into his embrace ... he was overjoyed to the point that he could not utter another word, but there was no need: his expression was so eloquent that an older couple who had been listening read it -- misread it, actually, but picked up the bulk of it ...

"His white hair made him seem too old for her ... but that voice ... so vibrant and powerful ... they are well enough matched, and I hope she knows how much she is loved," said the woman.

"My dear, secure masculinity is the same everywhere," said the man. "For him to be that old, and still capable of being that overwhelmed with and openly expressing his love, he must be a genuine soul, and his love also genuine."

"You would think Heaven itself is pouring its love for her down into him -- I mean he is literally glowing with love for her -- I hope she realizes it."

"All she needs to do is rest and move in harmony with it when there is a move to be made -- if he is there, he is far past doing anything intentionally to mess things up. Mistakes will be made, just like we have made ours, but if from her side she does not let doubt and resentment settle in with her, she will be all right. That man has opened his heart to be overcome with more than mortal love for her, and if she also will so walk -- well, my dear, you know!"

"Indeed, my love, I do!"

They laughed, and thus went out of earshot, rejoicing. Of course, they had not fully understood the situation, but they were right about the main thing ...

"Oh, Frau Mathews ... if only you knew ... the Love above me, toward you ... and the joy of this moment there ... oh, Frau Mathews, I am but a poor echo and conduit, being still only human ... but you will more and more know for yourself, having turned from that which is of no profit ... now that you have made the right decision ... ach, mein Herz jubelt für dich ... ."

The ground beneath us was trembling slightly ... he actually was exceeding his earthly tolerance limits for joy, so, his voice, even hushed, had slipped out just a little from the mortal approximation into the infrasonic range. So we said no more and just held on until the glowing of his face had settled down to where it would not be noticeable in the silver brightness of the day, and the ground became very still beneath us ... but then he dazzled me with a smile that told me what he was about to say.

"Danke schön," he said. "I still will have to be very careful, because when one sees the beloved place herself in the position to be even more blessed ... that I should have been permitted to witness it ... yes, I will have to be very careful, and I shall do it by focusing on the object lesson I still am assigned to do with you. We have actually done this before, but I want you to go through it again with full understanding,."

"I stand ready to learn," I said.

"Good, for it shall be a strong enough test for you. Although there is no bridge on some things, there is a bridge between deciding to do the right thing and actually doing it, and we shall get across this one, today."

My heart made a little leap, but I gathered my courage ... it was certainly easier to do with his arms and voice wrapped around me.

"Normally, Frau Mathews, you ignore your phone in the park, and you should ... but are not opportunities queuing up just that close at hand like airplanes waiting to land at the airport?"

I laughed.

"There may be a few go-arounds going on," I said.

"Shall we land them, Frau Mathews? Look -- the runway is right there!"

I broke out laughing.

"Not for us -- although the way you struggle with gravity sometimes, if we ever need a water landing it might be good to know this is here!"

"Not YET have you seen a body of water in this park you are not trying to get me in, Frau Mathews!" he mock-roared ... but his voice did not disturb a single bird, for he was a powerful but gentle old knight, after all...

"Think back, Frau Mathews ... how many nights in the last six months did you have things you had to get done, and your knight in song was at hand?"

"Oh, I see where you are going ... all I had to do was acknowledge your perennial availability ... it's a Proverbs 3:6 type of lesson ... 'in all thy ways acknowledge HIM, and HE shall direct thy path!'"

"You learned it in Sunday School, and I have just been your humble echo, all this time ... the love and peace and the rest you are granted from Him is yours, and you sit in the middle of it no matter how painful and frightening your circumstances may be. You just have to acknowledge the fact. Now you have done so in terms of reaching out for every lifeline ... and again, Frau Mathews, it has been my honor to have my voice be one of them ... but now, learn how to sit in the place of rest, and work from there."

"Well," I said, "I guess there is only one way to find out how to do this."

"This afternoon is the first of the rest of your life, finding out," he said, "and what an afternoon for it!"

"Nice, clear day at San Francisco International Airport, I imagine, getting planes down, so I guess I better get mine down too," I said.

"I knew I had something in my pocket for a reason, Frau Mathews."

I was done done when he grinned and came up with a pair of aviator sunglasses!

"The sky is deceptively bright here in May, even lightly overcast, and your screen likewise will be bright, so we must spare your two deep eyes ... ."

That line from Brahms's "Versunken" from the previous week ... the old comedian of opera still had props and jokes! Oh, we laughed ... and that helped us both in relaxing relief as we walked up into the nearest meadow.

In the end, it was all a long series of just saying "yes," of responding affirmatively to either exploring or actually heading down new avenues ... getting some balls rolling. None of it was that hard, in terms of levels of difficulty ... it was just getting it done ... and, from a position of rest, examining why it felt so hard.

At last it dawned on me ... why I had to come alone at last, and why there was no bridge. I was a survivor of a community destroyed, raised differently so the destruction would not get its hooks into me. My city, and my nation, hardly cared ... but One had, working through my immediate family, those He had touched along the way out of every tribe and nation, and taking me by the proverbial hand and leading me Himself when there literally was no one else around me who would know (like, to Steem, and then, to Hive). At that point I began to be overwhelmed with gratitude ... now I saw clearly that all things were as they were meant to be, just without distraction.

But then that storm of sorrow hit me ... hardly diminished in strength, a surprise after such a length of time ... for, being of loving temperament and from a family of community servants, of course I had gone into service. Being oriented that way meant it was difficult to hold the tension of being so blessed personally, but not being able to bridge it across ... yet I had to accept that some things were only for those who would walk by faith upward to where they could be received.

Back and forth ... the two extremes of my feelings acted like crosswinds, one helpful to me, one not ... but the day was beautiful and my environs calming, and my companion was doing his knightly thing very well ... it was impossible that I should be externally disturbed with his strong arms around me and his eyes watchful of our surroundings ... on his watch he made sure to include looking at me and checking with a smile, and if he saw a moment of pain upon my face, he would hum a snatch or two of a favorite recording of his, and that pain would vanish!

After a little while, I settled into the completeness of the protection and support I felt, and into deep peace ... and so also realized the point of the object lesson. At no time in walking in my calling was I ever not perfectly protected and supported ... I could look back and see that. Now I knew consciously and could rely on the fact.

"And that was the point of this object lesson, Frau Mathews ... for you to understand what you have, and to settle into it and rest and rely on it!

"This brings me to a great concern of mine about you, Frau Mathews, much eased from last year at this time, but still a concern. As you can tell when I am emotionally at and beyond safe limits relative to earthly matters, I also can tell about you, and I have literally felt the vastness of your emotional swings as you were just going through your opportunities. I see why you took your time on that matter."

"I have to pace myself," I said. "To be so blessed ... but to be so blessed alone, when I have been a community servant since age nine ... I am so grateful to be so graced ... and so grieved that my people refuse to share in that grace."

"That's a high-class problem you have, Frau Mathews," my companion said.

"I know," I said, with a slight smile. "The Apostle Paul wrote to his friends in Rome about a similar struggle within him about his own nation."

"That kind of internal conflict is hard to resolve ... but tell me this: which side of that tension gives you strength to keep moving?"

"Gratitude," I said, "for then I affirm the actual truth: I am not alone, and shall never be. He Who has called me has been, and is, and will always be faithful. When I can think clearly -- there have been moments of pain so intense that I could not -- but when I can think clearly, and gratefully acknowledge the One always blessing me, there love meets with love, and joy with joy ... and there I have found the peace I need to move forward."

"I noticed you began, last summer on Buena Vista Hill, to discover this, but I did not press you then," he said. "That was last July ... and how interesting it is that on July 31, you received the idea for your fifth book!"

That startled me in a good way.

"When I speak of you resting, Frau Mathews, I mean that you should pace yourself, for despite the mad rushing of the world, you will never need to go any faster than you are called to go. You are not yet seven months out from the last deep separation and all its agony. Now, since then, you are sleeping much better, and I have not needed to extend the Knockout Zone over your home for some time. Your physical condition has improved dramatically -- you are getting up and over these hills at will! But you are still running tired more than you should be, and although you can get away with that at 43, you need not borrow from the strength of future years. You need more rest.

"So then, if you need and desire to orient your life that you might have more time to spend in fellowship with your true Support, in the midst of His natural wonders and the music He has enabled your fellow peaceful composers to make, and you need also to pace your huge intellect and strong emotions as you navigate the business and personal necessities of your own life, and if you take on nothing more than masterfully handling the family and community responsibility to which you are already called, is there are a problem?"

"None, sir."

"And, although this may seem controversial -- that a woman, and an African American woman especially, might actually not be available to carry every burden around, and to be latched on to by those not ready to do the walk for themselves -- even though this may seem controversial, is there a problem?"

"None, sir."

"It is one thing to be without rest if it has not been granted to you. It is another thing to live like you have not been granted rest, when you have been. I am deeply relieved, Frau Mathews, that when the warning was put forth, you heeded it today, and consciously chose the rest you have been granted, and released all entanglement with the past."

"Actually, so am I," I said.

"Now, let me address one other matter, Frau Mathews. You have had an important insight we must not pass over, although it is not pleasant to consider. At last in settling in your rest, you have firmly seen what would concern your father and your grand old soldier about your advancement in the midst of people with no desire to do your level of work, but all crowded around you to carry them where they cannot go. Should the day have come when it was firmly revealed that they could not go with the effort they are willing to put in, do you think they would have taken accountability for themselves, or blamed you?"

I lowered my head.

"As much as I would wish to contradict you and say that by that time they might have grown, I know better. Why would they have grown as long as they could imagine I was going to get them across the bridge?"

"And why do you imagine, with your knowledge of history, that you would have been easily permitted to get across alone, in the midst of them, on the day that they realized you were 'abandoning them to their fate'?"

"Actually, even my imagination is not large enough to accommodate that fantasy," I said. "I just thought I could help them get across with me, but I observed that the number I could work with was getting smaller and smaller, and then at last ... ."

The memory I had suppressed came up ...

"... one of them tipped her hand, and I saw the possibility you speak of potentially multiplying out to dozens and thousands, in a moment of time ... ."

The moment replayed -- the moment when I realized, clearly, that any number of those I loved in that circle could switch over, at any moment, to ravening enemies -- and the next thing I knew, I landed in the Knockout Zone, for he wrapped his arms and his voice all the way around me and caught me before I could die of a broken heart, as he had then! It had been that week I had discovered Schubert's "An die Musik," one of his most stunning performances ... if it was the darkest moment for me for decades, his voice still spangled it with all the stars of the Milky Way, and added back the warmth I needed in a world so deadly cold ... a song in which the singer is describing how music had lifted him from his darkest moments, and reminded him of the Holy Accord from which all joy sprang.

When I opened my eyes, I was in another peaceful place on the banks of Lloyd Lake...

... my companion looking down at me with deep concern. He had carried me back down so that I might come to myself by the calm waters.

"Had I known this line of conversation was going to trigger that memory for you, Frau Mathews, I would never have broached it. I sincerely apologize."

"Apology accepted," I said. "Even if you did not intend it, perhaps it was time for it to be done. I have said there were times that I knew I was not thinking clearly ... but now ... now it is time for me to remember and think clearly. "

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and shuddered ... but I pressed forward and intentionally recalled the memory ... all the career, intellectual property, and legal ramifications of that discovery I had made. I forced myself to review the decisions I had made to protect myself. I forced myself to remember what I had seen in the soul of the one who had tipped her hand ... and all the red flags there had been ... and in how many, scaled all the way back to my 2022 peak of access, those same flags were flying ... and why I had to finish cutting all of them off.

"And four weeks later, THEN you were permitted to publish your fifth book and be on your way to all of the elevation and advancement and opportunity there is for you now. Do you see clearly now why it had to be so?"

"Yes," I said firmly. "Yes. I see it now."

And then such a wave of relief and gratitude rolled over me, and such peace ... because there was no bridge. That is what my companion had been working to get into my understanding; that was not a cause for mourning, but a cause for gratitude, because it meant that as long as I kept my distance, I was safe.

The wave of relief and gratitude rolling over me was also rolling over my companion, who was looking heavenward with tears rolling down his face ... my German could not entirely keep up, but I caught enough to realize he was giving thanks for the eyes of my understanding at last being opened, and for him being allowed to be the echo of the truth. At last he looked down at me, and dazzled me with his smile through his tears.

"Now, meine liebe Töchterlein, you are safe, safely resting in the truth. I need say no more!"

Spring kept up its silvery springing, and the waters of Prayer Brook kept flowing serenely into Lloyd Lake ... all was at peace and rest, and we were at home in it.