Dance from Marine
It was around 10 p.m. when Mrs. Smith started to hear a strange sound from their 10-year-old daughter's room. She got up from the bed, tightened her pyjamas, wore her slippers, and sneakily headed to Jennifer's room. The more she moved closer, the more she heard noises of feet hitting the floor in a rapidly continuous way. She got to the door and tried to silently open it, but unfortunately, it was locked inside.
"Gosh!" She silently muttered and wished she could just push off the door and catch up with whatever was happening inside the room. She kept her left ear close to the lock of the door, trying to use her ears to collect the sounds of what's happening, and she could hear heavily the footwork of people like they're dancing.
She flickered the door's handle, and immediately after she did that, the noise went off and everywhere became calm.
"Jennifer, open the door," she said aloud with utmost curiosity as she flickered the door's handle again.
Jennifer opened the door, and Mrs. Smith rushed inside the house with her eyes scanning everywhere, trying to figure out what happened inside the room.
"What were you doing? Who was here with you?" She asked Jennifer, looking directly into her eyes and her hands on Jennifer's face to feel if she's on hot temperature.
"Mummy, I've been here alone, and as you can see, I woke up from sleep to open the door for you."
Still surprised, she left Jennifer on the spot and went into the bathroom to see if there was anything fishy, but she didn't see anything.
She walked back to her room, "By the way, didn't I tell you not to lock the door to your room Why did you lock it?"
"Ummm.... umm.... sorry, Mom, I won't do it again," Jennifer stammered.
"To be honest, anytime I see this door locked again, you won't like what I'll do to..."
"Honey, what's the problem?" Her husband, Jennifer's daddh interjected from the door as soon as he walked in.
"There's nothing, honey; let's go back to bed." She held her husband as they walked back to their bedroom living Jennifer in her room.
Jennifer belongs to the marine world, and her friends from there have been visiting her for the past three days ever since she turned 10, which was her year of returning to the marine world. Each time they come, the only thing they do is dance to the Marine songs, which are only audible to them.
The next day, very early in the morning, Mrs. Smith became so restless; she knew that there's something wrong, but she couldn't figure out what it was. She was walking to and fro in the parlour in her pyjamas when her husband caught her up in her restless situation.
"Sweetheart, what's the problem with you? I asked you yesterday's night, but you covered up."
"The thing is that..." she paused. She looked around to check if Jennifer wasn't close by, and she continued in a low voice, "I'm suspecting that Jennifer is being followed by spirits."
"Unbelievable! Are you sure you're not worn out? Please take your time to rest today." Mr. Smith walked away with laughs, and she wasn't moved by her husband's reaction because she knows her husband doesn't pay attention to things like that.
After much pondering, she decided to install a CCTV camera in Jennifer's room.
Night came; she stayed awake in their room while the husband was far asleep. She waited for the noise to come at the usual 10 p.m., but nothing like that happened, so she dozed off only to meet herself in the next morning.
As soon as she woke up, she hurriedly rushed to Jennifer's room, only to find the door locked again.
"Jennifer, open this door!" She angrily shouted as she began to bang on the door, but Jennifer was far asleep and the time was already 7:30 a.m.
"Jennifer!" She screamed once again while banging on the door, and before she knew it, her husband appeared from behind, holding her hands and trying to calm her down on whatever the issue was.
"Honey, what's happening?"
She smartly tried to cover up her motive,"I told Jennifer not to lock this room again, and..." she got interrupted as Jennifer opened the door with dizziness all over her face.
Mrs. Smith didn't bother to check on her daughter; she just moved straight to where the camera was installed. She pulled out the SD card from it and inserted it on her phone, and boom, she saw Jennifer awoke by 1:00am., stood up, got directed by someone not visible to the video, she went to lock the door, and she positioned herself on the floor like a horse, with her hands and knees on the floor, and she was swinging her back up and down to a song that wasn't captured on the camera, nor were the mariners that were with her captured.
Mrs Smith used her hands to fastforward the video and she saw that the dance lasted for five hours.
"Jesus!" Her husband, who was watching the phone from her back, screamed.
"Jennifer, who were you with last night?" He asked his daughter as he moved closer to her.
"Daddy, I wasn't with anyone; I was alone."
"Why did you lock the door I told you not to lock again?" Her mom asked in a slightly harsh tone.
"Mummy, I... I...." She began to stammer again, and her mummy left them. She went to the room, got dressed in a jiffy, and came back to the room. She brought out some clothes for Jennifer to wear.
"Honey, please go and dress up because we are taking Jennifer to meet the pastor" She said to her husband and he obeyed, went to the room, got changed, picked up BJ's car key. Jennifer dressed up, and they all drove down to their pastor's place.
There was total silence all through the 20-minute drive to the church. Jennifer and her mom were in the back seat while the father was on stereo.
They got there, and not too much talk was made. The pastor had gotten all the spiritual information he needed; he prayed for her, and she got delivered.
Although Mrs. Smith trusts deeply in God but that day after the prayer, she was still sceptical, so she still installed the camera in her room.
Many nights came to pass, and Jennifer wasn't found on such nights anymore.
I love the way you built up the mystery around Jennifer's late-night activities and her connection to the marine world👍👍👍
Thank you for this 🤸
You're welcome!!
Jennifer is a mystery creation, maybe she is the leader of the marine kingdom. Nice story
Hmmmm
Maybe she's the leader like you said.
Thank you
U wlc
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The writing style is simple and direct, which matches the fairy tale-like nature of the story. More descriptive prose could immerse readers deeper into the imaginative world.
I love this comment.
Thank you sir
Hello @kingsleyy. Your image appears to be a Premium image from the Freepik website and is not royalty-free. Kindly provide evidence that you have the rights to use this image, or amend your choice of image, in order that we may curate your piece.
Okayy.
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Thank you
Your story was an intriguing one and you were building tension and interest nicely. Then, you dropped a small info-dump as a way to provide some backstory and explanation for the behaviour. Remember that readers want to feel involved in the story, to work things out themselves. Perhaps take a look at this resource on Show don't tell that may be of some use to you.
Show don't tell
One other point is that the resolution of the conflict also created a relatively soft arc as you dismissed the conflict quickly with a prayer. Even if a prayer is going to be your ultimate resolution, it is worth paying more attention to the resolution in order to retain reader interest and create a balanced story. eg: perhaps the MC needs to come to terms with some inner conflict before we can get to the resolution.
Thank you for writing in The Ink Well, Kingsleyy.
As always, thank you for taking your time to highlight these points that needed a work on.
Thank you.
I'll do better
Nice story!
Maybe Jennifer doesn't know she is being controlled to keep locking the door. Her mum was sensitive and alert to have noticed that something wasn't right.
Thank you for sharing.
#dreemport #dreemerforlife
Yeaaah, she doesn't she's being controlled to do that always.
Thank you for coming
I thought as much.
Hmm, I am wondering what would have caused marine spirits to always come and possess her. Good thing she was delivered.
Maybe she was given from the marine Kingdom when her parents were looking for a child.🤔
Thank you Jessica
Well thought-out story. This is quite creative, weldone.
#dreemerforlife
Thank you dear 🥰