𝓜𝔂 𝓜𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓞𝓯 𝓖𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓽𝓾𝓭𝓮 - Saturday 26 July 2025

Though I did some serious rewiring already, I am starting to see how stuck I have been in that scarcity mindset.

Limiting myself for decades....

Because planning a future feels like a luxury when survival is the focus.

These posts are:

𝒯𝑜 𝓊𝓃𝒹𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝒶𝓂𝒶𝑔𝑒 𝐼 𝒹𝒾𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝓎𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝒷𝑒𝓁𝒾𝑒𝒻 𝒾𝓃 𝒶𝒷𝓊𝓃𝒹𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒.
𝒯𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝑔𝓇𝒶𝓉𝑒𝒻𝓊𝓁 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒.
𝒯𝑜 𝓊𝓃𝓉𝒶𝓃𝑔𝓁𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓇𝑒𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝓈𝒸𝒶𝓇𝒸𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝓂𝒾𝓃𝒹𝓈𝑒𝓉.
𝒯𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝑜𝓅𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝑜𝑜𝓇𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒸𝑒𝓅𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓇𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑒𝓌 𝒷𝑒𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑒.

Yesterday I ended my post by saying it was held in my hand and my perception.

And taking that look at my unbalanced mind really showed me that my perception of myself is kinda warped.

That I see myself as in balance, but if I look at the pieces that make up a balanced mind, like I did yesterday, my perception is fooling me.

Now we are probably all fooling ourselves all the time without being aware.
Just like so often, we are not aware of how the scars of our past impact our lives today.

How we still carry feelings into everyday events that do not have to be there, feelings from our past, locked in our mindset.

I started writing these posts to teach my mind a lesson, very typical me, because I tend to be harsh on myself.

As per that post, I focus more on discipline than on softness. Well, I love softness a lot, but when it comes to treating myself, I lack it.

I am learning, and it comes easier, but I have the tendency to be very strict with myself, but that was not the initial reason I started writing My Gratitude Posts.

It was about how years of surviving, not being poor, but always struggling, wounded my mind.

I have no anxiety around spending, but I do have a hard time receiving generosity. As if it still feels a little like I need to work hard for every penny.

It is far from what it was seven years ago, but I notice parts are still there. That is why I started writing these posts, and they have opened my eyes in many ways.

Yesterday was just one of those days when my writing told me so much about myself. That it´s not just the scarcity mindset, and me struggling to open up to receiving abundance.

Subconsciously, I have been working on these things for years, but I never spelled them out. These wounds of life have left marks I only see now, I can only start to heal now.

For years, rest felt unsafe, like something’s “about to go wrong.” At times it still does, survival means keep moving, but I've gotten so much better at enjoying just sitting down and listening to the world and the voices in my head.

My wounds left me almost unable to ask for help, and in a place where I thought that taking care was my life´s purpose, even at the expense of self.

I am now healing those years where I was equating love with being needed, not just being.

That is why the Moments of Gratitude mean so much to me; they are rebalancing my sanity in a much-needed way.

As I am so thankful for everything that I started changing eight years ago, I am thankful for the peace and calm I am now feeling at times.

All these changes are snowballing into me not even recognizing the boy I was before.

Learning to look at myself, seeing myself for what I am, without the need to defend. But with a passion to learn from my pain and assimilate it.

Make it part of the whole, give it its place, so I can grow and move on.
These are words I heard from spiritual folks for so many years, and always felt like..."Uhu, yeah right, dream on, nobody has time for that."

And now I am typing them myself, because I finally understand, it took time, but I also realized recently I love to take the long way home.

And just like the song at the end says, the truth is that my weakness is that I care too much.

Thank you for making it this far....for those who know me...or better, think they know me, this might have been a WTF moment.

There are many sides to all of us, some sides we hide, even from ourselves.
I can be an opinionated little prick, a loving father, or simply a lost soul.

“If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is: infinite.”
— William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

Jim Morrison named The Doors after this concept. I agree that reality is filtered through our limited perceptions. But we can Break On Through to the other side.

"There are things known and things unknown, and in between are the doors."
— Jim Morrison

Our minds filter & reduce everything to a digestible and categorizable size, but in the process, we lose sight of the infinite abundance that surrounds us.