^{My portrait project needs me.}

I read about how to stick with a project for life, which led to another article about sticking with things. I read it because among other things, writing for a living requires I put pen to paper and text to articles. As a matter of fact, I write, not only to live, but to express things I find that are important.

Things I Find Important

Clothing

I like fashion. I think that women’s fashion allows for greater creativity than men’s mainly because they represent beauty primarily, whereas, I am not certain what men represent. Some might say strength, others might say, leadership. Ultimately, whatever men represent, I genuinely don’t think they can push the envelope with revealing styles like these.

I’m not entirely aware who this woman is. I can thank my endless scrolling online for fertile material to mine, for finding her though, because I would be quite excited to see my partner don something like that.

Cooking

I find cooking important because I’m just no good at it. Rather, I specialize in frying an egg and boiling water for ramen. Yet, these days, I am cooking more and more, learning from those who cooked before me, and experimenting with my own styles- not just clothing.

Crypto

This space represents an interesting point in my life. My trajectory shifted. I won’t lie, I see some of the worst in people regularly. I think all bets are off when money’s involved. Such petty disputes over things like who should operate on Twitter do not matter at all to me. I remain with a strong conviction in the life I chose. At least, I don’t get messages like these:

^{Imagine posting on Twitter / X to get this? Embarrasing.}

No good deed goes unpunished, that’s certain. If I had some moral high ground to stand on and lecture people, I’d be no better than the people who run with ideas only to give them up a week later or who make you do things so they can bail on you later on pretenses like “we were only doing it for” some contrived reason. I actually know a lot of people who only seem to be able to talk and ideate, which is quite good, if you don’t already do enough of that.

I was an idiot for listening for so long. I had a guy tell me I shouldn’t trade futures, for example, because of ‘leverage’. The leverage multiplier is a tool so dangerous I shouldn’t even exchange the investment vehicle. Yeah, like promoting tokens amongst various cult communities online proves any safer.

Out of fear and greed, many act unlike themselves, or perhaps, they behave as their true selves. Either way, I only came here to increase my wealth and promote my artwork. I seemed to have fell right off the train once I had my pieces collected, and that must stop.

You promote what you want, but if I don’t get my cut or props, I’m out.

^{The fashion photography comes from here. I'm no plagiarist. An appreciator, more like it.}

What am I in then, you might ask.

I want to be able to take pictures for a living, really. No one can judge me, not in text online. I mean, they can, but who cares? This idea alone pushes me in my portraiture because it’s at least true, that no one else sees how I do. I still have these moments, left often now with less physical interactions with people, but I still see. There are these moments, where the frame captures the subject in a way that resonates like a force I can’t describe. Synchronicity is the only word I ever came across that defines this instance, but it may still not completely approach. I got lucky really. A lot of artists talk like that and I feel the same way too; I was only a conduit for the record of the image. In that regard, I don’t try to effect photography or portraiture, only capture it. And I’m an amateur charlatan. It was only a year or two ago I got a light meter. I don’t have a studio, no models on retainer, and my backdrop stand are in pieces at my mother’s home. So, I dig deeper down the rabbit hole of crypto to fund my desires.

^{from Benny the Butcher's verse on Red Death}

Music

When I refer to music, I might mean the art. I listen to many things that I find sonically pleasing, but rap and hip hop has a certain bite to it at times that I must channel to stay hungry. Their mention of struggle in between syllables invigorates me to be more ruthless, cutthroat, slightly evil.

What is a blaxploitation film? Why were so many made? What if someone used the movie, not to glamorize wrongdoing, but as inspiration? In any event, there are many questions, with so few answers. Here’s my only answer from the film, Super Fly. Curtis Mayfield really sings.

"I know it's a rotten game, but it's the only one The Man left us to play. That's the stone, cold truth. We in! We got the main line!”

^{Eddie, Super Fly (1972)}

I think my habit of introducing a quote without context comes from the influence of rap music. The following line, despite coming from someone else, fits concisely in another setting. Its ability to remain relevant in different settings, its literary permanence, demonstrates the truth of generalization in the face of nuanced specifics.

‘To be or not to be, that is the question.’ I don’t need to explain so much that it’s Shakespeare because I’m being existential about the necessities of “slight evil” in life, for example. Yet, the words are not mine, many understand, though they do fit my specific situation. Ah, how self-expression communicates! Music, movies and photos speak to me in a manner that I can’t quite explain often. Yet, I chase it in everything. I chase it almost every day. I am thoroughly intrigued about the connection that hard, lyricist rappers gave me to Black cinema about the plight and life of Black people! I read the Wiki on blaxploitation like its food and I didn’t have breakfast.

I might be ‘evil’, if only hungrily.

^{from Conway the Machine's verse on Red Death}