Door of Lies

Since we moved into this house in 2020, we have given our daughter an Advent calendar, which is made up of little gifts. As she had many food restrictions, there was no chocolate, very little candy, but there were things like a piece of fruit, which was surprisingly well accepted. Three years later, and we haven't upped our game much, with socks, hair clips and ties, stickers and a couple soft toys, which she still loves, even at seven.

One of the benefits of having an analogue kid who doesn't watch TV, is that she isn't exposed to all of the adverts for merchandise, that goes along with the characters. There is not one Paw Patrol toy in this house. The other benefit is that she likes to play analogue games too, where she makes up worlds as she plays with her soft toys and dolls, draws, writes, and reads.

Each year we have slightly changed the format of the advent calendar, with the first year being individually wrapped and numbered presents hanging on a stick, so that she could find the right number, then have fun opening it. The second was a Christmas stocking hanging over the fireplace. And this year, it was a cheeky elf who filled the sock.

This is where they live.

A little door in the side of the coat cupboard in the entrance.

But, rather than just stick it there, on the left there is a little mailbox, and each night my wife writes a very short note in "elf hand-writing" that talks about what it has seen. For instance, the night we made the gingerbread house last week, the elf said that it was going to move into it. Or when my daughter had had a very grumpy day, it mentioned that it saw that too and hoped that the rest of the days would go better.

Suspend disbelief
temporarily allow oneself to believe something that is not true, especially in order to enjoy a work of fiction.

This is where my daughter is. What is interesting, is that when she was three, she called out her Pappa who was playing Santa. Yet, the following year, she was back into the belief in Santa. Now, she knows that there is no Santa, yet she is still trying to believe in some parts of it, as if she realizes that once she lets it go completely, she will never have that part of her life again.

She keeps saying "Even though Santa isn't real", but tries to keep the story going, so she doesn't have to face a completely Santa-less reality. I never believed in Santa as a kid and I wasn't keen for Smallsteps to believe either, but I have come around a bit on it, especially now where she knows, but is choosing not to know when it suits her.

We all do it.

Sure, it might not be about Santa, but we all at times choose to "play dumb" and lie to ourselves, because it is easier than facing the truth of the situation. Maybe it is what we tell ourselves when we have been rejected for a job, or a potential partner. Perhaps it is when we tell someone a story of our past, embellishing it to make it sound better than it was, or make us sound better than we were. It could be when we wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and make a judgement that works in our favor, or against us.

Do you think animals lie to themselves?

I don't think they do, but it is impossible to test I suppose. However, it does seem like a "higher function" ability, which probably works in our favor, because it is a source for hope. A condition where no matter how dire circumstances might be, something in our head says - there is still achance.

However slim.

One of the things I love doing with Smallsteps, is telling stories and have her try to work out whether I am telling the truth or not. Some of them are outlandish, some are quite believable, but she is getting better at working out what is what, though sometimes when I tell the truth, she doesn't believe me. However, we have an unwritten rule about this, where she knows that if there is a serious situation, I will never lie to her. Anything she asks, however difficult it might be to explain, I will tell her to the best of my ability, tailored for a seven year old.

Tomorrow is the last day of the Christmas elf and Smallsteps will get a toy koala to close out the Advent calendar. However, my wife and I have discussed not doing this kind of small gift calendar next year, and instead coming up with something else instead. I was thinking that each day would be a different family activity, like playing Uno, or going for a walk together. Something simple, but something she will appreciate now - unlike when she is a teen.

Now, it is almost 3am and I am going to open the door and lie to myself, pretending that I will get to sleep in on Christmas Eve morning. With the presents under the tree (killing Santa once and for all) and a koala in the sock, it is unlikely.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]