You learn so fast when…
Last night I realized it’s 2026.
It suddenly occurred to me that I have memory of almost anything that happened in 2022 or 2023 or 2024 or the first half of 2025. My mind is nearly blank.
I can remember the pandemic and slightly before it. But the next few years feel so empty, almost as if they didn’t even happen.
Here’s all I could come up with:
- our apartment was leaking for 6 weeks so we had lots of construction and debates about whether or not to move
- I put out my demos from 2017 as an EP
- I tried very hard to improve my income with very limited success
- I went to a few concerts
- I wrote on hive a lot
- I started playing games again to study japanese
That’s all I can remember. No real progress. Nothing big.
Then towards the end of 2025 something flipped. A switch went off and I was filled with a sense of purpose the likes of which I’ve never felt before.
I’ve always been driven by a vision but the vision felt so far off, no matter how far I’d come. Every step I made, it moved a step further.
I started to realize that I was wasting my life trying to achieve stability while only half living in my own skin. My English classes and my music were two different suits I wore and I tried so hard to keep them separate.
I remember a distinct moment where something shifted. A decision on both conscious and unconscious levels that I would devote myself entirely to what I came here for and stop waiting for it to be safe.
I always thought I was lacking was discipline but what I really needed was something closer to devotion or conviction.
The feeling went from “I wonder how I’ll make this happen” to “Id y there’s a way to make this happen without sacrifice my ideals I’ll find it and if I can’t I’ll get as far as I can and let life do what it wants with me”.
I can’t say that I was 100% convinced I would succeed. It no longer mattered if I succeeded or not. It’s kind of like how a table is a table and it tables no matter what you or it or anyone says.
I became an artist who arts no matter what without any need to even think of myself as an artist.
I became a fire that fires no matter what is going on around it. If the rain comes heavy enough or if the firewood runs out, it disappears but until then it’s a fire unconditionally.
This wasn’t a realizing of my purpose. It was a decision made with absolutely no room for doubt. I gave myself no room to run because I realized that I have been approaching a crossroads where I would have to choose how important this is to me.
I stopped thinking about the future to a large extent. I still plan and try to have some savings, but the idea of waiting any longer to prioritize my passions became simply absurd. I cashed out a big portion of my investments much earlier than I planned in order to buy all the equipment I’d need to record and play what I want to play live.
Fuck any future that would have me wait to do what I came here to do.
I didn’t cash out everything and I didn’t quit my job. But I quit having a social life and instead decided to turn my passions into my social life.
By playing more music I could simultaneously have a social life and promote my work while living my passions.
This wasn’t around a year ago.
And so last night I made a list of all I’d accomplished in a year and I was shocked.
Between August 2025 and August 2026 I…
- bought a bunch of pedals and recording equipment, a new computer and new electric guitar so I couldn’t use a lack of resources as an excuse anymore. It cost $4000-5000.
- learned how to make a pedal board with no stray noise or issues
- learned how delay, reverb, modulation, and other effects work
- learned how to EQ
- started playing electric guitar live
- learned how to run my voice through effects and integrated that into my set.
- improved my speed and improvisation on guitar
- wrote 4 new songs and 50 new riffs
- learned how to write a riff a day that I could turn into a song later if I want to
- played 8 shows with 3 collaborators on guitar keyboard and vocals (practiced with a violin and synth player)
- started documenting all my shows with both videos and essays
- created a concept for a live series and made a live album out of it
- printed a cd of the live album
- made a lot of short videos and improved my editing skills
- learned a lot of random stuff on ableton for recording
- made a concept for an album and already recorded 6 full songs and a few interludes.
- played a show with one of my favorite bands in Japan and met a bunch of other favorites
- learned about the differences between different kind of guitar pickups, mics, basses, effect brands, amps
- made a few new friends
- somehow kept my income at a stable livable level
- improved my health slightly
- visited Kyoto, Osaka, Nagoya and the tip of Chiba to watch inspiring performances, scope out venues and meet friends
-started building a reputation for my music in town and on social media among friends.
That’s a pretty insane list. It’s as if I took 2 years of music school and had a part time job as a songwriter/performer on top of my regular grind.
But the most baffling thing is how it didn’t tire me out at all and I wasn’t even pushing myself all that hard for most of it. I actually felt more energetic than I’ve felt in years. I could have done twice as much given the time I had if I had pushed myself because I was excited and focused and practical about every thing I did.
So when I look at some of my goals for the next year, it looks like a lot but when I compare it to last year it’s completely reasonable.
- play 2-3 shows a month average without fail
- do 3-4 mini tours of 3-4 cities each within Japan (north west of Tokyo in the mountains, Osaka/Kyoto, Okinawa, Northern Japan to start)
- expand genre through collaborations with brass band, metal band, traditional folk artits etc.
- write another 10-20 songs for a second album
- 2-3x audience sizes
- organize 5+ shows with overseas artists
- keep improving my skills, especially on guitar
- sell 300 CDs
- write part 4 and 5 of my short novel series
- make 3+ higher quality music videos
- 3 city mini Asia tour
It looks like so much but it really isn’t compared with how much I’ve achieved this past year. Totally doable with this level of excitement and focus.
Back to work.
The voice of the trees