When everything changes and nothing changes

As I listen to the near final mix of our live album, I try to process all kinds of unreleated moments…. Arguments, goodbyes, opportunities, failures.

Most of that is not meant for here.

Our last show was a fantastic success by almost all metrics. People seemed to have loved it. I can feel very clearly that we are entering a new stage despite very little changing on the surface.

I wasn’t sure about the sound when I was playing because there was no monitor speaker so I couldn’t hear what the audience was hearing, and from my position, the vocals sounded weak and the guitar muddy…

But when I watched the recordings and the audience I realized the guitar and vocals mixed well naturally in the space for the audience. I had accidently done a very good job EQing for a tatami room, not knowing it until later.

I started with a jam as people came upstairs as the performance downstairs ended and as I often do, I closed my eyes. At that point there were 5 people in the audience. When the jam was finished, I opened my eyes and there were 40. I hadn’t noticed them come in!

Leave it to Japan to try not to disturb a performance.

It’s great when you want silence, a lot harder when you want noise and aren’t very charismatic. But im ok with people enjoying my music however they like as long as they don’t impose on each other.

And people swayed back and forth! A lot! That was a first.

It had a lot to do with what I was playing. 50% of the set was rhythmic guitar loops with dreamy effects on the vocals. I can imagine two easy ways to really enjoy this kind of music. Eyes closed and completely still or eyes open and waving back and forth.

When I finished no one said a word, but I saw quite a few people smiling. I can’t claim to have blown anyone away, but that was the goal and I can at least say we didn’t completely miss the mark.

After a few moments an older man we’ve become friends with came up to us. He loves underground art culture has been coming to all our shows. He had nothing but kind words as usual. Then later in the night moe and more compliments crept in.

It’s hard to tell when people are just being polite or when they just want to talk with the artist regardless or when they really mean what they say, especialy in Japan, but I usually feel more comfortable treating it as a real compliment when they show interest in the work beyond the surface.

One girl gushed and said “you sound like us but better!” And showed us her music. It was good! It felt good to see someone like that taking an interest and wanting to connect. Hopefully we will meet again.

Funnily enough, depsite all the positivity, the two people I secretly wanted approval from did not give it. The organizer didn’t say anything and his opinion, for the simple reason that I love his events and want to join more, means a lot. But last time he didn’t say anything and he still invited me back. So we will see.

The second was my favorite band’s guitarist who just sold out of a venue with 8000 seats. He was in the audience for his friend who was also performing and though we exchanged greetings he didn’t stay for my performance.

It is what it is, but in all honesty, I don’t think I’d be able to handle playing shows with him. I am not ready for big venues (and not particularly interested right now) nor do I play loud or energetic enough music to carry the audience evencfor their smaller shows of 100-500 people.

I am still very satisfied with the night overall, but it was surprsingly anti-climatic. Despite people loving it, the next day was the same as usual, and I went to a friends bars 10th year annivesary where people asked me about the show and promised to come next time, but that was nothing new.

It’s not hard to fet a tiny bit of curiosity but bringing them to your event is a lot harder. I am guiltier than most. At that annivesary where I was in the audience two bands played who I had been meaning to see for 2-3 years already. There’s just too much going on in Tokyo, to the point where fun feels like work.

I never want fun to feel like work so i never want people to come see me out of obligation so absolutely bo hard feelings to friends who don’t make it.

But a handful did and each gave me a big smile when they arrived.

I don’t have much to say about the music because I want you to hear it. For people undamiliar with experimentation and jamming, I hope it can open you up to new things. For anyone familiar with modern art or underground music, I hope it can stand outside of comparison (though comparison is not unwelcome) and shoot through to the soul.

Most importantly I am in love with this process of creating and rearranging and trying to express things that are so hard to express and seeing how they hit or miss and dealing with the aftermath. I am glad to finally be in love with my own work, even while I know it’s constantly arriving.

Whether I am invited by this artist I respect again, and whether my favorite band likes me or not, In the end what matters is that I am constantly evolving in a direction that i choose for myself, and creating bridges to new islands I can explore, to new and old friends I can share and connect with.

Back to the mixes!
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A Brass Band Appeared!

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