I am closer than I ever imagined ….

Third track has started taking form. I finally have a solid version of the guitar and vocals to work with.

This one felt a bit too pop for me at first which means it was just normal music so I needed to smash it up a bit and make it interesting. I added some spoken word and put effects on it then added some 1970’s style guitar solos and fell in love immediately!

In the progress of recording I discovered an effect that does exactly what I was looking for on a different track. That will be a very simple folk melody but with one guitar that slips out of tune sometimes. I’ve been dreaming of the in tune out of tune forever and I finally figured out a way to do it!

Then we have the kind of ambient post rock track to finish and then I can call it a month. In August I need to finish writing a song before recording the last 4 songs.

I realized something today!

Perhaps one of the reasons people haven’t really responded to my music the way I had hoped is because I never really imagined them loving it.

I didn’t think people would hate it but I’ve always had the sense that I am too experimental and unpolished for most people and too melodic and catchy for people who like mostly weird stuff. I imagined people would come, and say “that was cool” and maybe come back sometimes…but I’ve never really imagined people falling in love with my songs.

That’s a bit of a sad thing to realize because it’s probably the biggest thing holding me back. Of course we don’t want to get our hopes up but I think it will be helpful to daydream a little bit.

I imagined artists I respect would respect me, and that has happened. I’ve gotten a bunch of interesting invitations over the past six months. A few of my favorite bands started following me, including one with a million views on YouTube, and a random French indie pop star with 500,000 followers on Instagram. I’m not sucking up to these people. I’m being invited to play with them with almost no effort on my part, just out of proximity and curiosity.

This is not meant to be a flex. I still have only 2 monthly listeners on Spotify and maybe 3 on Apple Music…. I still have a long way to go but this album is going to change absolutely everything. I believe these songs hit in a way I couldn’t with live versions recorded on an iPhone and a sloppy first EP.

Before it was either too experimental or too poppy depending on who you asked, but now I think the catchy melodies and interesting noises and experiments will no longer feel like a paradox.

I’m so eager to share them, but I’m going to push myself to wait… at least until the fourth song is complete because that will be a single!

So what is this future I want to imagine…

Right now after each show usually one or two people I don’t know give me a compliment and most of my friends say nice things, but that could easily be them just wanting to be friendly and supportive while not connecting deeply to the music, though I feel confident they don’t dislike it.

When the album releases I imagine people will start singing along at shows sometimes. They may get more interact more. Friends who hadn’t shown an interest before will start to. Many more bands will want to play with us.

People will start talking about the lyrics. Maybe I’ll find reviews of the album here and there. Maybe someone will even want to interview me. Shows will fill up with people who came to see me instead of everyone coming for the other band.

These are all things I couldn’t imagine before, but now it feels like it’s right around the corner.

I think the one thing which has always been hardest for me is getting people to want to spread the word, and I think that’s the core of what will shift with this release. People will start talking about us.

What will it feel like to be someone’s favorite band?
What will it feel like to have someone tell you your songs made them cry and helped them heal?
What will it feel like when I start getting paid by promoters?
What will it feel like when I start getting positive comments (and maybe a few negative ones) on everything I share?

I don’t really take pride in being a “big deal” but I want to be respected for and able to focus on doing what I feel I was born to do, and I want to have a positive impact on people, to the best of my ability.

I think that’s where I am headed and it feels like I am way way closer than I am even capable of imagining.

A song like the ocean

Singing in a dirt hole