Comparing myself to a year ago

Most progress is hard to measure. It’s easy to compare tangible results between two people or time periods, but sometimes the differences going on beneath the surface are subtle.

I often compare the me of today to the me of a year ago. A lot can happen in a year, sometimes a lot can happen and feel like nothing at all.

The me of today doesn’t even notice that their investments have dropped by 20%. They hardly pay attention to the turmoil that overflows from old media and social media. It’s not as if I don’t have compassion for people in difficult situations , but the most important me to focus on is the world around me, and what I can do in it.

The me of today doesn’t get lost in potentiality, paralyzed by whether or not something is the right decision.

I know the kind of life I want to build. I don’t know exactly what I need to do to build it, but I know what kind of person I need to be and so my focus is on being that kind of person and doing the work that reinforces that version of myself.

I don’t want to be the kind of person who lives in fear of whether or not people like what I make, so I just focus on making sure I like what I make, because that’s the most important thing to me.

I stopped worrying about how I’m going to survive next year. I’m not in a sinking ship. That’s good enough. If I’m a more capable and accomplished person a year ago, something will change naturally as a result. If I spend the year putting good into the world some of that good will come back and find me.

The is no amount of fear that would help me achieve anything anymore because I’m not in any immediate danger. And so fear simply becomes weights to life to make myself stronger. Face the fear. See what lies beyond it.

I can finally enjoy creating things just for the sake of creating them. I enjoy the reaction people have to my creations but not one of them could convince me not to create, nor would being completely ignored. Even if no one cares, I still enjoy it.

And I’m getting better at it, and I can feel that with every little work, whether it’s a part of a song or an article or a short video or a social experiment.

For the first time I’m finding joy in colors and visuals. I’m experimenting with color settings and filters with photos on my phone and videos I set music to. A lot of trained artists probably think it’s overkill, I was told by two or three people that it’s too much filter or overwhelming. But a lot of people seemed to like it too.

Here’s the thing, I’m not aiming to be a world class photographer. I want to learn techniques that are lead to more objectively high level work, but more importantly, I want to understand my own tastes and see what I can discover through experimentation.

I’ve gotten more into my own sense of fashion. I realize I love big baggy sweaters and bright colored pants and shoes and I hate words on my body and tangible images but like images not related to a brand, especially by artists I resonate with.

I’ve been going to more pop up shops by screen print artists and adding their work to my clothes.

How will this lead to making more money? I don’t know.

How will it lead to us being able to start our business by the end of the year? I’m not sure.

But I know I’m on the right path.

I’d like to start coaching people on opening themselves up as artists and finding new possibilities and creative routes, finding a purpose for their art. I am not sure how I can sell such coaching sessions to people, nor do I think I want to put a lot of energy into marketing such things but I know that having more of my own work and doing more growing through art will help.

Becoming completely artistically free and feeling a sense of accomplishment from everything I do is probably a prerequisite and so I guess that might be where this is going.

I see myself as becoming someone like Rick Rubin but more experienced in the tangible creation of art and artistic work. Rick Rubin is a music producer who doesn’t actually have skills as a sound engineer or instrumentalist. He coaches musical artists on how to express themselves more authentically and how to get into the flow state.

I see myself being able to coach people in a similar way but with more tangible skills that could help artists learn how to make their own music videos or add instruments to their work, create their own flyers or start off on a project they’ve always dreamed of doing.

I suppose I could specialize in working with artists who aren’t necessarily trying to become famous but want to create work that they love regardless of whether it becomes a career or a hobby and then helping them reach whatever higher goals they have related to their art, whether it be building a community around it or being able to collaborate with others.

It’s exciting to think about and I see how I’m fulfilling that role for certain people in my life already. I guess rather than trying to market myself that way aggressively and charge a set amount, I will just mention that I can offer those kinds of services and double down on the friends I’m already helping for now. But if you are interested let me know.

Hoping to make a few more videos like this to tell the story of a boy who makes friends with the ocean from my short novel “Confessions of the Damaged 1.1”:

It will be a big project, about 9-12 1 minute videos each with original music, old songs and new. Also currently working on a Japanese translation to said novel series.

I’m also helping @tentententen. Grow her yarn business and art and now that I’m writing this I realize I want to invite a friend over to help him record his music.

I can’t even remember what I started writing about 🤣 time to go make something!