A Real Nigga

Losing someone is never easy, losing a friend is unfathomably harder, losing a family member, is losing a part of yourself.
Last year was a long list of kisses for me.
Although not me personally, but plenty of my friends lost most of their family, and in their grieving and cutting people off, I lost some of these friends in turn.

I feel no anger or hate about their actions of course

Do what makes you happy is always my personal motto
So if they deleting my number and not replying my texts help them with their grief, they have my full consent.

Not all tore me out of their lives though. There were some that I was given the honorable burden of comforting during those times.
A close friend of mine began questioning herself, her dad and God on why he left.
"Wasn't he happy?". "Wasn't she a good enough daughter?" "How could God do this?"

Now I wasn't one with the philosophical answers, so I couldn't or rather wouldn't reply her when she went on the long roll of grief induced questions.
I simply listened to her call, reassured her of her dad's love and mine for her.
"I was always here for her and I'll always try to be."

Cause one can never promise to always be there.

"Death has a sick sense of humour."

I remember when one wanted to go suicidal on me, I who was always one to stay at the sidelines and watch became a mediator.
Watching as her life stood at the balance, my mind worked in overdrive as I began thinking of reasons why she shouldn't end it.

Her mother had passed and her dad wasn't trying, she was always crying.
Siblings weren't caring, for the one forced to be in charge of how they were faring.
While she stood glaring, at her sour fate.
Controlled the kids alone, she was the mom amongst all her mates

Never had time for frivolities, age 18 hadn't even gone on a date.
Yet her dad abusing and spitting, rebuking, words hitting, her mind keeps getting beaten
The big mama lion at home turns to a kitten.
For fear creeps into her mind and it keeps on eating
Her from inside, all the letters written
to God feels unanswered and her arms are shaking
Her defences breaking as she picked up the phone
And called the one number, the person talented for making
Her to feel better and stop all the aching.
With two rings, the line clicked and a deep soothing voice sounded.
"Hey _____, what's shaking?"

This is a poem/rap song verse written by me on a whim, may be based on a real life experience, may not.
To be honest, I don't know what I'll call this post, probably a rant of sorts.
I've come across this community on my feed a couple of times thanks to posts made by @wongi, and although I have lots of good music, I really didn't know how to make a post like she does 😂.
So I just put the tune on in my ear and began writing.

Some time ago, I was chanced to listen to a beautiful song that really tugged at my heart.
Coupled with all the losses and deaths my friends suffered and had to grieve through last year, listening to this song again really took on a whole new meaning.
I first thought of my friend I had to console, both the one who almost committed suicide, with they both losing their father's, I thought of how they would feel if they heard the song.

Well regardless of what they may feel after his passing, I do know what to telling them now if they come unsure, in a moment of sadness or weakness, about their feelings towards their fathers.
As the last words of the last verse said.

Your father was a real nigga because he loved you.

For Your Eyes Only

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