Catharsis, Tunes...

My health hasn't been so great lately, and it's been persistent for too long. Been seeing the doctor a lot more and getting new meds every now and then. And then the meds just get me slow and drowsy most of the time.

After a long day running a few errands, I returned home feeling exhausted, out of tune, and in need of sleep more than usual. A few naps knocked away the sleep for a while, but then the lethargy was so strong and lasted so long. It's yet another reason why I do not fancy medications one bit.

With my body telling me that I do not sleep enough, I thought to round up my list of things to mark done before midnight way earlier as from now so I would zone out earlier and get good night's rests, but slowness I felt today was going to revert that for tonight. And so I tried something else instead.

Khalid. American Teen was the first album by Khalid that I ever listened to, and that was in 2017. I listened to it through my roommate's phone then, every night and morning, and then I started to "feel it." I went on to get the album for myself and loved it all the way. That's what I tuned to tonight.

Sitting under the tree, I played out the songs through my phone's speakers—and not my earphones this time. With the voices around me, I locked on to the familiar sounds from my phone and focused on the lyrics.

It had been so long since I listened to the album, and so I was impressed with myself that the words came freely from my mouth and that I flowed smoothly with the songs.

Listening through, I began to reminisce about times from when I was in 100 level, the things I did, and the people I hung out with then. The air around me was cool, thankfully, and so I closed my eyes for most of the time. And what I saw was myself from years ago and how much I have changed as a person.

I was travelling back in time in that moment, not necessarily to remember things but to disconnect from the energy that I didn't need around me. And so as the bass dropped in whenever they did, and the guitars and pianos did their thing, I felt some of that energy I wanted to get rid of dissipate slowly as I sang along.

I climbed up from negative to zero soon enough, but I still hadn't gotten all of the slowness out of me yet. Khalid's energy is much cooler than NF's most times, and so I made a switch.

Happy is one of the very few songs by NF that I manage to rap. Usually, I am either singing when he is or quiet and grooving when he's rapping. But I was really flowing with the lyrics in Happy by NF. And it felt like it was what I needed to liven up right after feeling cool before.

As always with NF, his lyrics hit deep. Happy is a song whose lyrics spell out their meanings for you. And the song tells of what some of us feel sometimes—the battles we face within. It expresses the struggle some face to find happiness in the middle of internal challenges. And, other than the fact that the lyrics are deep, the intrumentals contributed largely.

As I switched between states while listening to Khalid, what I felt was this rejuvenating vibe. And soon enough, I felt that slowness go away, although not completely, as the meds were still doing their thing. Music was just what I needed in that moment.

I am convalescing, by the way. Waiting to finish with the meds and see the results I need. The songs I had tonight were what I needed in that moment, and they helped.