There are moments when depth…

One of the things I have been repeating to myself every day for quite some time now is that it is non‑negotiable for me to remain in the role of victim — a role in which, unconsciously and unfortunately, I stayed for far too long. Perhaps that is why people and situations kept coming my way, touching the same wounds.

Clearly, I had not overcome that pattern. Whatever has happened in my life, or whatever is happening now, things are as they are for a reason I will understand in due time. Looking back, what I lived through (good or bad — but let us think of the bad for now) had some purpose — I suppose — to make me act, look in another direction, take responsibility… and I believe, thinking more deeply about it, that in some way I did take responsibility in the end.

Simply put, so it doesn’t come across as a tongue‑twister: I am not a victim of any person or circumstance. I am someone who made wrong decisions. And with that premise, here I am now, writing what I hear in my mind and in my heart, determined to change my story. It is not something I decided today — as I pointed out at the beginning, I have been at it for some time.

And it so happens that right now, there are two things that encourage me to write and share here: firstly, something I shared with a friend a few hours ago, and secondly, something I commented on in Erikah’s post.

Have you ever thought about the impact victimhood has on people?

It is a kind of learned helplessness. After repeated experiences of failure or injustice, a person internalises the idea that nothing they do will change their situation, and they become passive and resigned.

_{(I invite you to think about this at the level of a country, but take it only as a side note)}

We also have victimhood born of lack of support or affection. That is, it can be a response to emotional deprivation and a way of seeking external attention and validation. In this spiral, the tendency is always to blame external factors instead of taking responsibility for wrong decisions or mistakes made. Sometimes we don’t make mistakes at all — things simply happen and unfold in a certain way, not as we would have wished, because perhaps we needed to take another direction, without guilt, without remorse, without dwelling too much in sadness.

And then there are those who use the role of victim to gain sympathy, to be supported, or excused for their inaction. It is easier not to take responsibility, more comfortable to remain inactive and to generate pity, isn’t it?

The most terrible thing is that such behaviour reinforces victimhood and the idea that the world and everything around us is unjust and negative. That is why so many of us go through life as true helpless sufferers.

I have been thinking about all this, about certain situations I have lived, pains that do not go away, but which I will eventually accept for what they are — lessons. I will not deny that I have felt very emotional this morning, I even shed a few tears. Perhaps it is simply that I need to get back on my bicycle and have adventures, for since I returned from my trip to Puerto Escondido I have not touched it. Since Sunday — imagine that. I urgently need to go anywhere, attentive to reality yet at the same time outside of it, within my own. As if I were pedalling alongside that mountain, that river and that sea I dream of, laughing and being the happiest person in the world together with that other part of me that is somewhere, waiting...

In short, I remind myself every day too that hitting rock bottom does not mean staying there forever; it also means pushing oneself upwards.

These songs were brought to me by the algorithm, or who knows… messages I needed to hear, perhaps.