Afraid to be - Blast from the Past 2006 - Album Re-release!

Afraid to be - Blast from the Past 2006 - https://open.spotify.com/album/0ofUdj3sAavsoY8vt5mSCu

Here is a remastered album which I self-recorded way back in 2006 - I was living in Perth, Western Australia at the time and working in hospitality. I did a few random gigs and jam sessions to later start a band called 'Sink' which was an eclectic three piece with good friends before indulging in psychadelics in a search of the self which forced some reassessing of life priorities. I then sold all my things, quit my new job at a gold refinery and moved into the forest (no dramatism added to this paragraph, lol).

Automatic writing was something I started doing since leaving Christianity in 2004 (17 years old) as well as playing guitar which I learned with a Christian commune which ran a health retreat in country Western Australia. There was something within me that knew how to do this automatic writing without being told to - and knew that I needed it too. I wrote consistently daily for long periods for over 15 years filling up reams of notepads which have been discarded or burned on various parts of my long winding journey.

George Carlin once said something like - write it down, all that stuff in your head, but then throw it out and don't let anyone see it. I understand what he meant - the private world we have cannot really be shared - it is us alone - it cannot be betrayed by our artificial need for fame or for our narcissism. In self-reflection through writing I was in a state of constant self-therapy and self-observation.

I often crafted these splurged words into songs and this album is a result of that. Listening to this album now (saved by my sister up until recently) has allowed me to look back in time and see a snapshot of where I have come from and the journey of self-discovery from psychosis to sanity.

With world travel, the life of a Nomad/Dervish and an obsession with music as my lifeline - I found my way out of trauma and psychosis to self-willed service and self-responsibility which has given me a unique passion and drive for life and truth.

My life can be explained with a catalogue of belief systems and cults.

Through direct experience and ultimate trust in my intuition I was able to build a stable framework of identity as a foundation from which to build a life content and satisfied in the service of all - having established my own definition through my own experience of what Source really is.

This is just a fraction of what can be told but it gives a framework from which to build a much larger elaborate journey - through which I can show you how I found my path to self-responsibility - and how each step of the journey led me to this point of writing this text right here which you are reading right now.

I was a troubled individual that searched and searched and searched - I was not afraid of experience and in many cases I even proved to myself I was not afraid of death. Throughout the years, I have been able to maintain a level of perceived sanity without showing others what's really goes on within. To a large degree, to a society and friends and family that would not have understood and imposed a personality of victimhood onto a very vulnerable individual - this saved me from much greater heartache in the future - it was a platform of mind that I allowed myself to have - a place of kindness which felt dishonest and counterintuitive, knowing somehow that I was working my way towards real honesty in the future. I knew in faith that I would fix myself eventually.

That path has led me to living on the streets of Australia and the world on and off for over 15 years and in many various interesting circumstances, belief systems, cults, jobs and communities. It has lead me to survive off street music alone for over 7 years in the space from Turkey to Ireland - staying overseas and living on a shoestring for years at a time to become a 'Trans-national Identity'.

The first lesson I can provide anyone with that might assist them with their journey is to provide the kindness to your self of giving yourself a safe space from which to call home and in which you have no need to leave or escape from. Establishing this foundation - you will find other steps much easier. For a long time - my foundation was my backpack and my pen. I would organize my backpack repeatedly and polish my shoes - this gave me the same sense of stability I now feel in guaranteeing me a literal physical location in this world in which no expectation exists and I can have ultimate privacy.

I often believed there was great truth in my automatic writing and sometimes there was. Sometimes there was delusion also. My self-entitlement led me to many different belief systems including a cult in South Africa which prized Self-honesty above all else (which is not the worst thing that can happen). I was inwardly committed to experiencing life directly and had a need to jump right in and learn first hand if something was correct or not.

Enough of these experiences have led me to a great deal of wisdom and sometimes I learned the hard way - through pain - other times, through facing the point within myself before outward manifestation occured.

I endeavour to share more of my journey in the future in little pockets here and there as I have so many stories to tell. Only now in these interesting times am I realising the true value of my experiences and how they can help others find their way home.

Here is one part - 'Raw and Unfiltered' -

Regards,

Monty Cash

ps. What part of my story would you like to hear more about first? Let me know in the comments.

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