The New Coldplay Album sucks

A video by Rick Beato informed me that a particular song on their new album, 'Moon Music' was written by 15 songwriters.

This isn't exactly unique anymore in the music industry, but you'd think Coldplay were better than that. They used to write their own songs like other real musicians.

It makes total sense when you hear a song by Justin Bieber was written this way, an entire team to write things like 'yeah baby, yeah baby, yeah baby woahhh yeah baby'.

You see, it's not what you probably imagine. I bet you're picturing a long, black table with 15 seats around it and a bunch of people brainstorming together for weeks. Computer algorithms to maximize potential based on market research and so on.

It's not that at all. These 'writers' are just kind of given a role, no matter how small, because they happen to work somewhere or know somebody that can spread the word good.

This one works at Sony, bring 'em in. This one works at Warner, bring 'em in. This one knows a CEO. more the merrier! The more 'writers' you have, the more chance your sycophantry bears fruit. Apparently, the industry have a little saying;

Write a word, take a third

This is why more writers doesn't mean better content, far from it. They don't give a rats ass. And it's depressing to know Coldplay are doing this, for who knows how long - but it definitely shows.

Although I was feeling enthusiastic about a new album, I enjoyed a couple of tracks but zoned out in short order, not normal for me.

I haven't listened again since, but my memory of the tracks are digesting certain annoyances over time.

It was very preachy, lots of bible-bashing going on. It was very K-pop and 'Diverse' with black people having monologues to the backing music, something I've noticed is a trend among white musicians trying to be diverse.

I think what has happened is, Coldplay are in their mansions chilling, and they sign a document approving people to use their name and brand, and then those people go off and make some cheap tack, Coldplay signs off, Chris Martin records a couple of vocal lines, and that's that, rake in the money.

You can't even hear drums, guitar or bass whatsoever in most, if not all the tracks. It's all synth and VST's.

Switch out Chris Martin's voice with somebody else and the music would be 0% Coldplay. It could be anyone. It could be a Kpop singer, Justin Bieber, Ed Sheeran. Anything. The whole album just does not stand out, it doesn't give out any identity or purpose. It's nothing whatsoever like original Coldplay.

Don't get me wrong, I love an evolution of a band. And I felt that through X & Y and their Brian Eno, Anthemic kinda days. But now it's entirely absorbed into 'the Corporate model', to the point that their music literally sounds like it was made for commercials.

There's nothing here for me in this album to actually listen to. There's nothing for a fan to binge and geek out about. And this applies to all the popular music.

Hell, Spice Girls didn't exactly sit down with a pen and a pad themselves, but you could at least identify them - at least within reason of one or two similar groups.

I think they're all entirely interchangeable now. They all follow the exact same model.

It's so sad, and yet people are going to complain when, this time next year, most of the top 10 hits are AI generated (whether people know or not).

The problem isn't AI, it's the death of creativity making it exceptionally easy for AI to simply take over.

If you work in a factory producing one teddy bear per day with your slow stitchwork, while the machine next to you produced 15,000 per hour - you're going to be made redundant. All these big cheese 'writers' are producing music that children can make, and hoping to god the personality of each 'artist' is egregious and degenerate enough that it'll sustain itself through drama.

Well it won't.

Time to start promoting real musicians again. There's plenty out there.