Crying in the Rain

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Hand me my phone, I demanded furiously.
Today is one of those days, Roland would snoop over my phone. He would thoroughly scrutinized each of my chats across all social media platforms, ranging from Facebook ,Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram and even my mails. Mind you, I usually feel indifferent and so cool about it because, I have no skeleton in my cupboard so, each time he is at it, I leave him to feed his eyes and quench the thirst of his curiosity.

And it all went down that day, during one of his routine check, hell was bound to lose one of His.
"Who's this"?
"Who did you say,I love you to"?
"Dorcas, after everything have done for you"?
"Is this my paycheck for being kind to you"? He stammeringly asked all of these question under a breathe.
My breathe shuddered and the worms in me were disgruntled, I do not know what to say because I couldn't believe Roland could open the gallow mouth of his and say such dirt of words to me.
After three years, one hundred fifty six weeks and one thousand and ninety five days. You still don't trust me this much, you still get worked up and exhibit your insecurities around me because of the past painful relationships.
Does that simply means all of the moment we shared meant nothing to you?
And all these years of just loving you in spite of your flaws and excesses was simply a waste?
You monitored all of my movement Roland, but I never for once complained about it. You know all of my whereabout even down to the guys that woo me each day, but never did I for once lamented that you were beginning to choke me with your obsessions that you arrayed to be love. You dug up my past and rub up it to my face so I would feel less human, so I would think no one else can ever love me aside You Roland.
These all are more than enough reason to leave you but I did not, not because I can't. I just simply can't because I love you* Roland! I said as I cried bitterly like a baby who is deprived of breast milk.

The message you saw, was sent to me by an admirer and clearly, I forgot to delete it, knowing how you would react to it whenever you see it.
You see Roland! Let call all these charade in form of love, let's call if off.
It's over Roland, We are over... I yelled tearily.
I hijacked my phone from his hand, not minding all of his dog cry as he knelt on the ground pleading for ninety fourth chance.
I walked out on him and headed home under heavy downpour. I sang this song as i cried profusely hoping it washed my pain away.

If I wait for cloudy skies
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You'll never know that I still love you so
Though the heartaches remain
I'll do my crying in the rain

©Medemausi