Past Smiles And Laughs
“The number you have dialled does not exist. Please check the number and try again.”
At first I thought this was a joke. I'm used to hearing the telecoms automated voice croon in my ears when I dial wrong numbers which doesn't happen often. But this number? No. It can't be.
I stare at my phone screen and scowl at it. The number is saved to my friend's name…it has been so for many years, right from the first time we met and exchanged numbers. Even when I change phones, those details are on a cloud and easily transferable to my new device. I don't lose my contacts so easily. There was no way I could have mixed up the numbers.
My heart lurched painfully in my chest. I knew…I mean it's been ages since we last spoke and she was the one who called the last time. I dialled again simply to reassure myself that I made efforts to reach her and somehow failed to.
Same response. Or could it be a wonky network service? It happens sometimes.
I checked social media and saw her in some pictures with other friends posted a few hours ago, a wide grin on her face. That confirmed the knot in my stomach—she has moved on.
I'm thrown back to the time when our friendship started as I played I Am Not Who I Was by Chance Peña. Isn't it a surprising thing when the right song fitting or suitable for a particular situation just pops up into your head at the time? That's what happened to me earlier today. I've had this song on my playlist for a while but haven't listened to it. Once it appeared in my head, I dug it up and played.
I've always liked those slow, melancholic songs not because it's a state of mind I want to dwell in every time but rather the reflective mood it throws me into. Chance Peña has this drawling voice that highlights each line of his lyrics and they vividly appear on the screen in your mind. That's the way it feels to me whenever I listen to his song.
Long story short, not all the friends I started with from childhood would continue with me or me with them. At some point, life will happen. Life choices might pull us apart and very few relationships will endure to the time when the grey hairs spring out or joints creak loudly.
Chance asks a question in his lyrics which resonates with my situation—If I fly too far, will I still have a place in your heart? I smiled in contemplation at the good times and not-so good times we shared. Our life choices (career and marriage) separated us geographically at first but over the years, even technology couldn't make us stick together.
If she changed her number, she could have reached out to let me know. Or maybe she blocked me? I'm not sure how this works with our telecoms but she has moved on and so must I.
I've listened to this song on repeat several times, and these thoughts came to me. I considered writing them down in a free verse poem but I could only scribble down a few lines that somehow don't relate to this situation but rather a broader one.
On a positive note, I'm choosing to cherish the fun and good memories we had in the past. Someone once said, Twenty friends cannot stay friends for twenty years and I totally agree. Another person said, As we grow older (and mature more), our circle of friends grows smaller.
I'm hoping that as some friends drop off my list, I make some more as I go on in this journey. It would be terribly sad if one's list empties without refilling. Where's the fun in life without people to share it with?
The cold draught caresses
Turning piping hot into lukewarm
Within seconds as humanity
Draws near to an era of darkness.
Day by day humanity chips away
Buddies now turn strangers
With heart-wrenching secrets,
Secrets that shouldn't hold sway.
Smiles and laughs that once was
Now fizzles away with the cold breeze
How truly do we know?
How clearly do we see?
I do hope my reflections and song makes meaning to you. Thank you for visiting my blog.
Image credit:eberhard grossgasteiger
Check out the Lyrics
There is truly no fun without the people to share it with. For every friend that we parted with, it's awesome to have not just one to replace the vacuum. Life is good with lovely people around us.
You're absolutely right. It's natural for friendships to change over time but when it happens, it's hard to accept especially if the connection was formerly strong.
The good part is there's space for new and hopefully meaningful connections. Thanks so much for your visit. !PIZZA 🙂
This is the reality of life. Childhood friends might remain the same for long. Those who still have theisrs are quite lucky.
Moving on and forward is a constant in the equation of life but the joy is that we never move alone.
Stay happy 🤗
Well said! This is insightful. There will always be friends and people around us. Thanks so much for your kind words. !LADY 🙂
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You are right. Life is life, and we have to move on. We have no other choice than to do that. I am glad she did move on and that you also have the courage and love to do so, too.
The music shared is inspiring. I do like the calmness that surrounded it.
I'm happy you found the music inspiring. Thanks so much.
You are welcome 😁
Your post really resonates with me.
I looked up the song lyrics and read them.
Among them, I really like these lyrics.
'Will you love me for who I am, not who I was?'❤️
It says that the higher the income, the more educated the person, the more likely they are to choose that their friendship is meaningful.
I guess I should cherish my friends who love me for who I am. 👍
You're right. Change is a part of life and importantly, cherishing what we have rather than mourn what's lost is fulfilling.
Thanks so much for these insightful words! I'm glad you looked up the lyrics and find it meaningful.
!LADY 🙂
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Well Not The Situation, but the story sounds so familiar. I accepted it as a part of life.
Seen so many people come & go.
I am not a star in holding on to people I guess.
Still I carry many with me in memories & my heart.
Life changes, people change, but the memory remains
Well said, @whywhy! People come and go which is a necessary phase of life but the memories remain. That's what I'm choosing to hold onto. Thanks so much for your visit and these kind words. !PIZZA 🙂
Pretty melody, indeed love shouldn't be based on what someone's got or what he/she used to be. However, I trust that love should be based on natural affection and not personal substance or economic status because when those substance are gone, your real friend(s) then shows up. Nice publication altogether congratulations.
Thank so much for your comment. Very insightful. 🙂
You're welcome 🤝