Hope | The Expectation of a New Month of Change

May 1st... Today marks 3 months since my dad's departure from this world, a cruel world full of terrible feelings and bitter events that are the order of the day, but a world that always offers hope for those who are focused on their personal goals and seek to make a change. Just like I told you 30 days ago in this same community, the month of April was also very strong for me, and although my dad is still very present in my heart and rules my daily thoughts, my mom @zorajr and my girl @jhoxiris helped each other to survive the still latent pain...

The first days of the month I felt that I collapsed, the accumulation of feelings that I dragged since January made me fall very low, in fact I lowered a lot my activity in Hive. April showed me the worst of people, people who don't even remember that I still feel a great mourning and again they show themselves as I am, but I prefer it that way. I never in my life considered that I would have to seek outside help for my personal matters, but I did and I do not regret it. Those who know me or those who follow me also know that I found refuge in faith, Holy Week helped me a lot to concentrate, pray and analyze my current life.

Visiting my dad has not been an easy task. We live in different cities because of my work. Every second I spend with her is very precious to me, but at the same time it is not easy, as she is also going through strong changes caused by bereavement, and I admit it, I still feel like everything is in ruins, we have not recovered from the big event that changed our lives almost a year ago when my dad had the accident and all that it brought, including his death. My poor girlfriend has also had to deal with her problems and carry my emotional state as another cross for her. I try to be strong and go out there and smile, that's the right thing to do, but everyone is out there waiting to see you happy to screw you in some way.

In one way or another I have been able to deal with the strange month of April. A month that made me realize that life changed and therefore I had to start changing a lot of things. I can no longer cling to things and situations that changed suddenly almost a year ago. I think I lived the consequences of pretending that everything would remain the same despite what happened. I changed, my environment changed, people changed. For this reason I give way to this new month of May that I have already taken care that the good vibes reach us from today, day one.

I am very full of expectations at the moment, but above all very energetic, almost in a sick way to implement these changes. I don't worry because Jhoxiris is pending to help me and observes my surprising emotional changes, because yes, my mood is hanging on a very, very loose rope these days. A few days ago I told you about an almost evil person that is in my daily life, I have been trying for years to get rid of her, and that time has come. I will also change my environment, it hurts me to continue living where I am. On the professional side I have high hopes that I will do better with a new singing teacher, since I have almost a year without seeing music lessons, so I will try to resume my life.

I need my stay in Caracas to be pleasant, because when I travel to my city of Maracay I feel that I arrive to the ruins of what was my beautiful life with my family. There is a lot to resolve there, but I need to try to strengthen myself and accept and let the life of my family flow and wait for them to call me if they need me, I can no longer offer my unwanted help, I have noticed that I can become very annoying for them. My new me is a bit strange, because it actually looks like an old version of me, I don't know how long the strangest stage of my life will last, but I have everything in my favor to be happy, even if it is hard for me to see it at the moment.

I want to end this post by sharing a video of my dad, the reason for my changes, the reason for my feelings and my example to be who I am today, although I still fall very, very short next to his wisdom. He is not physically with me, but every day he continues to teach me how to be a man, I love you daddy. I dedicate this post to you, wherever you are...

_{La letra de esta canción está más vigente que nunca en mi vida y complementa a este post en cada palabra...}