I wondered if I truly knew what I wanted from love

By the time the song was over, I had totally forgotten about the lecturer who gave me a grade I thought I didn't deserve. I removed the headset from my ears and scanned around for Gift but she was nowhere to be found and since the song was on repeat, I settled in to listen to the lyrics again.

“I wanna come home to roses, And dirty little notes on posts-its
And when my hair starts turning gray, he'll say I'm like a fine wine better with age,
I guess I learned it from my parents, that true love starts with friendship,
A kiss on the forehead, a date night, fake an apology after a fight….” Like My Father

I had never heard love described so personally, it was always the cliché of having a man who cared, who could spend, or who was well-built.

As I listened to Jax, which I later found out was the artist's name, I wondered if I truly knew what I wanted from love. My thoughts shifted from the loudness around me to the multiple questions forming in my heart.

What was love to me?

Whose love story did I admire enough to form mine from?

What did I want from a man?

The baffling thing was that the song was all I needed to stop myself from saying “Yes” to one Toye who was continually asking me to be his woman.

Toye and I met at the faculty of Arts on the day scheduled for the screening of students opting to study Art-related courses. He was tall, dark, and handsome in a way that made ladies turn to stare at him multiple times.

I stared too but darted my eyes away quickly when his gaze met mine. What I didn't expect, however, was for Toye to still be staring when I tried to get another glimpse of him before hurrying into the faculty.

When I was done with my screening, Toye was nowhere to be found. I went home a little disappointed but soon forgot completely about him.

3 days later, I was at the faculty again to check if my name had been reflected on the notice board where accepted students had their names pasted when a shadow suddenly cast itself on the spreadsheet I was looking intently at.

I turned around and there he was.

He didn't seem to notice me so after taking in the freshness of his body spray, I turned back to the board. I was about to leave in excitement after locating my name when he smiled at me.

The attraction I had for Toye was instantaneous but beyond tripping for his 5”7 height, the chocolate brown skin, and nude-colored lips, there was nothing more to the feelings I had for him.

So I picked my phone up as I listened to Jax and typed a direct message on WhatsApp.

“I'm sorry Toye. We're perfect as friends but that doesn't guarantee that we'll be good as a couple. I truly care about you and hope that this doesn't deter our friendship.

Love, Tee”.

By the time I hit the send button, I had already become familiar with most of the lyrics so I sang along with Jax.

Gift came into the class minutes later and requested for the headset.

“Why did you give it to me?” I asked. She had a small smile on her lips.

“I guess you needed it. I understand what it feels like to get a grade you don't deserve, especially after the whole effort during the semester”

I gave her a huge smile in appreciation and handed the headset over. I didn't just need it to feel better about my grade. I needed it to make one of the most important decisions of my life.