Carrying the load
I don't like admitting I'm struggling with workload and I'm not one to like asking for help despite that putting me under pressure that threatens to break stress me. It's a failing to some degree, as we all need help sometimes, but I don't like to impose on others and tend to work harder rather than complicate other people's lives by asking for their assistance; I'm an independent sort of guy.
Hey, want to know a secret? You can probably guess what it is but I'll say it anyway, I'm having difficulty carrying the load right now and it's taking a toll on me.
I'll not go into it in detail however the burdens I carry are probably no different than what other people face: Work, personal, health; innocuous when written out like that I suppose, but combine them together and they can mount up. As pressure increases stress moves with it (often) bringing a diminished ability to deal with everything and the cycle repeats itself.
I always focus on controlling the controllable things and shift aside those I cannot which has worked well but sometimes things become so complex, there's so many balls in the air that need juggling and never enough time (or hands) to deal with them, and that's when the wheels can fall off the wagon so to speak. My current workload is a little like that with everything needing doing right fucken now and, of course, that's not possible.
Something's got to give and as reluctant as I am to accept that there's really no choice.
I often talk to myself, not in a weird way, positive self talk in my mind I mean, and have had to have a few stern words to push myself into accepting that I simply cannot do everything to the standards I wish to do them right now due to the workload. It's caused me to re-evaluate, put a couple things on hold and, most importantly, be a little kinder on myself in respect of my high self-standards - that's difficult for me to do but I've had no choice.
I'm not quite sure how it's working so far, it's early days, but I think it's a solid plan and it will, or should, alleviate some of the pressure which means I'll be better at what I do, probably far more productive, and less stressed which will compound.
Have you ever been in a situation over a sustained period of time in which you struggled to carry the load or burden in your professional or personal life? How did you move it forward, what steps did you take and why, and what outcomes did you achieve? Would you do the same again or change what thoughts, attitudes and actions you took back then if it was to happen again? Feel free to comment if you like.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
[Original and AI free]
Image(s) in this post are my own
As for me, there's a lot of loads on my shoulder right now and even before. I'm just glad that I have a work now that can sustain the needs within the family but this is not enough that's why I'm practicing the called Delayed Gratification for now. I just can't spend money now even if I have work because it will still affect us financially.
When it comes to it I usually handle it alone because I think that it's better that way specially those loads that I can handle on my own. Telling them to others will just make it more complicated than it is.
Through the years of having and battling my loads I learned how to be resilient in tough times plus having the attitude of not over reacting to those.
That's all and I hope that one day we can unload those loads without worrying anymore.
Good day..
Out of ten, with one being bad and ten being excellent, how do you feel you're dealing with workloads and pressures?
In a similar situation, I was pleased to learn about the Eisenhower matrix. Which is a way of prioritising tasks that works for me.
That image is from the article that I linked to. And there are many more examples on the Internet.
Of particular interest in the context of your post, the bottom left quadrant might guide you when to ask for help. Like most productivity techniques, I found that it took time for this to become a daily habit. But it definitely helped me when I felt overwhelmed by my tasks.
There's many ways to deal with it, some more effective than others, and I've used various methods over the years.
Hi brother! I think I love this Eisenhower matrix chart. I get a copy of it for personal use. Thank you.
Yahh totally understand the pressure sometimes it feels like going insane, but controlling the emotions makes you stronger, really motivated me this morning thanks
Yeah, controlling things is a good way to go.
Yahh exactly thats a good way to go
I'm learning from your write up how to endure while doing what seems difficult and burdensome.
Personally, still being a bit younger and leaving with mum and dad who carry most of the family loads. I only contribute in doing what is assigned to me. I don't seem to understand what real men and women undergo. But I'm learning from this experience packed piece. Thank you because it will help me as I'm growing.
Good morning, (from Nigeria)
Maybe you'll learn from the examples set by your parents, and how they deal with, or don't deal with things, which will give you some excellent information to move forward with.
I'm honestly in it right now... I've got a huge personal project that I need to get over the line, and it's been extremely confusing and completely physically exhausting too, I haven't been able to keep up my exercises which means I haven't been able to manage my back and neck issues quite as well as I need to, so now pain and headaches creep into the equation. At the same time work has been intense, for at least 2 months and something really has to give... at least until I get this project completed in the next month.
Personally I think work is going to have to be the thing that gives, which is a shame because it is going to cause some havoc - but since it's never a good time to take time off, I guess that means that it's just as good a time as any to take off.
It can be a downward spiral as things suffer which causes other things to suffer and it's pretty much down the gurgler from there; I feel your pain, emotionally and physically as I go through the same.
I've been working on my situation, putting some things in place and it's been better but I think some good old-fashioned time off needs to happen soon. Of course, there's no time off from the realities/complexities of life in general and of those I have many.
Maybe we both need to head on down to the billabong for a camp and to talk (non-work-related) shit around the campfire.
Hahaha, that sounds amazing until a Bunyip turns up.
This is why hustle culture annoys me, there is so much benefit; physically and mentally from resting and creating time to be able to perform well at the things that need attention.
I'm glad you're making some headway... I've run into another bunch of hurdles today, but ultimately I think it's all solid progress.
Fucken hurdles! (Although it's those that make us seek new, innovative and better ways forward I guess.)
I think we're all modern day slaves (mostly) and wish for simpler times. We pay a high life-proce for what we have these days. I'm not altogether sure it's worth it.
The Bunyip has the right idea right. #bunyiplife
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Hi Galen, I'm glad to hear that this experience has made you decide to be kinder to yourself.
I have never been a friend of asking for help, I don't know if it is because of fear of rejection, or that asking for help is a demonstration of weakness or not to bother, or sometimes simply because I believe in meritocracy. The truth is that I don't know.
But, on two important occasions in my life I have had to ask for help. One with my father's illness. The response from family, not in all cases, from some friends, and from state services was so discouraging that as a family we had to make some decisions. One of them, on my part, was to quit work for a while to focus on caring for my father (and my mother).
And like in the movie "Lorenzo's oil" I started studying on my own, looking for the latest in research, and training in other types of (unofficial) medicines.
In the end, help came. I met people who helped us and from whom I learned many good things.
The other time I have decided to ask for help, is at this moment in my life and for work reasons, and I can say that it has been quite difficult for me to do it.
A hug
It's always funny to see people call me Galen when people (in the real world) call me something else. Anyway, just an observation.
I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for help, it just doesn't come easily to me is all, I'm independent and also don't like to impose on others...but sometimes we must and I know there's people out there (like me) who really like to lend that assistance. But yeah, it's not easy for me to ask for help.
Hi Galen 😁, I don't think asking for help is bad either, as far as I can I usually help those who ask me for help (not everyone), also when I am offered help it is easier for me to say no, than to accept it. It is also true that in this I am changing something.
Here, almost time to go back to work, have a great end of the day.
It happens, just try to be average.....at times our own past record becomes a burden because we have already raised that standard.
My main focus is to be myself and I think if I'm doing that then I'm doing ok.
Sure....👍👍👍
I completely agree with everything you've said! Life definitely has its ups and downs, but what truly matters is how we handle it. Right now, I'm juggling a lot with my professional exam, looming deadlines, catching up with friends, and various other responsibilities. Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed, I remind myself that I am my own best support system. I just need to keep pushing myself forward and tackling my workload head-on
I wonder if you're putting some of those things you mention aside in deference to other more important things.
I am the same dude. The workload gets higher and higher and no light at the end of the tunnel.
I talk to myself positively too. Call myself all manner of awesome things to gee myself up!
Lol, you are awesome Boomdawg, keep telling yourself! We all believe it already!
Seriously though, it's so fucken complex, systems on top of systems, problems on problems...and all with less and less time to devote to it. bonkers. I'm struggling a little to be honest but also, (to be honest), I think I'm handling it well, in my usual way, and am mitigating the problems...if I have a heart attack and fucken die though...well, I'll blame work.
I live trekking myself I am awesome. It's like hypnosis in a good way 😀😀
I bet you are handling it like a titan! Bit I know what it's like when it just seems like you think you cannot take anymore weight being pulled on and still it does. Then you get to the point where you clear things and think I'm the fucking daddy
Heart attacks can fuck off!
I'm Titaning the shit out of it man, pushing hard and all, but it's a battle at times, the ebbs and flows if it, the corporate nutbaggery and worse is the fucken ienys nutbaggery. I have to travel a lot and all too; sounds good to those who haven't done it but it's not good you know? Anyway, I'm making it work, nothing wrong with a whinge now and then though. Lol.
Also, hey heart attack, fuck off!
Aye, travelling is rough. I used to do it an old job. I had to travel down to London regularly and people were always like ooo London, awesome. I was like, is it fuck because I have to work then entertain myself for three fecking nights then go home then do the same then next week. Urgh, I hated it. Although weirdly, I liked the travelling part.
We won't standing for no heart attack shit!!
I didn't mind London, so much to do and see, but being there for work would suck I think. Like you, I don't mind the travel too much, is all the other stuff...people think it's awesome but it can be quite a lonely thing to have to do.
Yo ugot it bang on there. It was the loneliness. I mean, I like a bit of me time but sitting having dinner yourself then having a coffee or tea yourself then turning in for the night yourself all gets a bit fucking soul destroying!
Yep, you get it, that added to the workload (being away normally means they want greater productivity) and it makes for a sucky time sometimes.
I hope you're well bro, Friday night and I'm getting settled in to watch the F1 practice 1 from Imola, Italy. Dinner eaten, snacks and coffee to come. #fuckenfridayfun
Get your day done and it'll be your turn!
Hehe, yeah mate. I'm good, everything seems to be going smoothly for once. Just had lunch and looking to get the afternoon done and dusted and then boom. The weekend!! Get in!
Early minute man, do it! I had an early 45 minutes this afternoon, felt guilty but fuck it, I put in a lot so figure it's ok. Lol.
It is to be accepted from Titans such as we!! :OD
I am constantly trying to convince myself these days that it is ok to slow down and "Smell the Roses" 🌹
"Lower my standards". Just writing that makes me wrinkle my nose. But it needs to be done. Time for this trucker to find a downslope and just coast a little.
Maybe you should too. Let's find a trail to hike that is platue. Not so steep. Not making the summit needs to be ok. If we are going to enjoy the view from where we are...
Reducing one's expectations one has on themselves can be a good way to reduce stress issues, but it's not always easy for people like us I guess. Not keeping your wheels rolling might seem a good idea, a break, a day off and all...but that's doesn't pay bills and there's the pressure, right back on again. I think fundamental changes are required sometimes, to life and mindset.
I've always been a achiever , which doesn't mean I've always achieved at the level I wish to, just that I work hard, lean into things and seek positive results in life, relationships and professionally...You get that of course, you do the same.
Sometimes, taking responsibility fully demands going the extra mile in bearing the burden. Also, there are those loads in our lives (especially for the responsible men who are saddled with the responsibility of catering for the family) that we can't delegate but must handle them ourselves.
I'm the extra mile guy, the person who works hard to get the job done and to help others do the same...it takes a toll though and I'm feeling a little...stressed.
Nowadays I have a similar situation I have to deal with, things do not go as I want or plan.
I hope you have some ways of dealing with it or at least someone to talk to about it, that can help a little.
Thanks!
The seasons are tougher now than it used to be back in the days. The stressing factors during the time of my parents is nothing compared to what we have now, I always say that it has reached its all time high in this present time and dealing with all can be difficult. In my own case, I do ask for help now and then because if I let my ego get in the way, I would be a "dead man".
So it's okay to get a shoulder to lean on sometimes, to ease things a bit.
People in the past had similar stress levels, the reason for it may have been different but the effect of it no less.
It's good that you feel comfortable asking for help, it's often much better to do so than to drown in an ocean of stress.
I've encountered that when I was implementing a project for the company. I was the only point of contact and a lot of things were dependent on me being able to make the product work. I didn't like it, but I just had to put more work in. A lot of overtime work, studying the documentation, talking to different teams. It was a matter of making the most of one's time. I can't be waiting on a person's availability, I need to be doing something while they are not available. It was really tough work. But in the end it was successful, and it was the reason I was promoted.
There's many practical ways one can find efficiency, productivity and reduce stress, and there's many emotional ways to deal with the stress...the trick is knowing, and using, them at the right time.
Well done on your promotion...gained through hard work, consistency, effort and other such things no doubt. Earned, not given.
Couldn't have said that better. Thanks.
It's Funny G.. to be honest I'm going through similar situations... I literally ended up giving up and asking my brother.. he laughed so hard but I kept my composure and Ego😂😂😂
Your brother laughed at your request for help? That's one way to go I guess.
😂😂😂😂 I always said I could do anything and everything alone until I asked for help 😂😂😂
Here's some !LUV from the RingMaster To you my G.👌👌 That load is very heavy
Noone likes asking for help but we need to do so sometimes so that we would not wear out.
Find the courage to ask for help when you need it but make sure you are asking who you are sure will give you hand.
When was the last time you asked for help?
Every time I need it. For instance I was so busy yesterday and asked my colleague to help me attend to clients that are available while I treat some mails
Do you ever simply work harder to achieve what's required?
You said it, and you hit the nail on the head, to be kinder to oneself, and to take a little bit of demand off the table. Sometimes we are too demanding with ourselves and that makes us unnecessarily stressed. Then we become unhealthy.
Of course it has happened to me, too much responsibility and overloading myself with things. I'm like that, I didn't even realise I was doing it, until the body takes its toll. So I had to give things up and delegate others, learn to delegate, I'm not supergirl.
Now I will tell you that the change of thought helps a lot, I would never do what I did again, like taking even other people's work, a different thought and attitude changes everything.
You must weigh less... I mean in your mind. Free it, for example nature helps.
My mind? Yeah, my brain is only the size of a green pea so it doesn't weigh much at all.
It may be a pea like everyone else's but the thoughts are many!🤣
Well, the problem is that it fell out (of my ear) onto a plate of dinner I was eating which happened to be peas. I think I ate it.
Good humour and laughter helps with stress, you're doing it right.🤣
Focus on the things that we are in control not the things out of our control
Yes indeed, I say that in paragraph three.
Yeah one thing that stuck in my mind
I thought as much.
I understand you perfectly well Galen! I was like that at a time, finding it very difficult to ask for any kind of help from anybody until the divorce happened. I was saddled with the responsibility of solely taking care of two tender and innocent kids who by no fault of theirs, were in the line of crossfire. I thought of them, their future and how any inadequacies of theirs would be from my own inadequacies, I just swallowed my ego and accepted that I needed some help, I became 'selfish', thinking of only their benefits rather than another's. Life is so stressful and I don't think it's a bad idea, seeking for assistance, sometimes... ☺️
It's not a bad idea to ask for help, I just prefer to be as I dependent and self-reliant as I can. It keeps me sharp.
That's pretty sweet looking kit at the top. Technics Legos? That's what it looks like from here. My job is pretty low stress for the most part. I think that's why I stick with it even though the pay is kind of low. There as some things money can't buy. That being said, I do occasionally have crunch times at work. Thankfully my wife can tell when I am going down that road and she guides me through my thoughts and helps me come up with a timeline and plan to get things done.
Yep, Lego Technic.
It seems that stress increases with income which makes sense I guess. There's a lot to be said for lower stress levels though for sure. Life is too important to spend it stressed out. It's good your wife sees the signs and helps get you on track.
She's a pretty special lady for sure!
Your strategy to control the situation is very good but most people cannot follow the plan. Very good that you are doing well
People have to do what's right for them, some just don't know what that is I guess.
this actually happened to me recently. I was trying to do too many part time work so i ended up resigning from one. I'm kind of same as you though. I try not to ask for help
It's important to know what's important and focus on that when time becomes short or stress levels rise. Prioritisation. Good work.
thank you. I felt bad though when I resigned but it was better than me not being able to give it my all I guess. lesson learned haha
Indeed.
I was very touched by the story. I have also experienced something like that. I really like your story
Thanks for reading and commenting.
I love this approach you have decided to take. I sometimes go through lots of stress myself and when I start feeling overwhelmed by all of it, I just take a pause and afterwards think of a better approach which will sometimes help me realize that all I had to do is take things slow or in bits instead of trying to fit it all in at once.
The pause strategy isn't a bad way to go, but sometimes one can't simply pause because things need to get done so other techniques are needed. Like you say though, sometimes a little detachment from the situation can help one redefine how it's approached.
Hmm these are technical questions. In my opinion, every problems Carrie it's own weights and are handled differently.
Sometimes, i just believe in taking it one step at a time. Gathering all together and lifting the once that my strength could handle. After settling those ones, I'll then commerce on gradually shifting the loads, resting inbetween and if along the line help comes i accept.
That seems like a good strategy.
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