Me and love don't get along YET

Ever heard the song “Me and Love Don’t Get Along” by Tatiana Manaois?
That song hits deep.

I can’t exactly say it was written about me ooo, but let’s just say it understands me on a spiritual level 😅. Every time it plays, I find myself nodding like, “Yes, exactly!”—even though a small part of me wants to deny it.

You see, I’m that girl who always complains about being alone, who sometimes posts things like “nobody checks on me,” or sighs dramatically about how lonely life feels. But then—here’s the twist—I’m also the same girl who somehow manages to push away anyone who tries to come close.

I won’t even lie; it’s not that I mean to push people away. It just… happens. Maybe not directly, but silently. I don’t block them or say mean things. I just… don’t show up. Literally 😂.

Yeah, I’m that girl who will accept a date, get all excited about it, even plan my outfit in my head—then on the day, something in me just freezes. Suddenly, I start feeling anxious, tired, or uninterested. I start convincing myself that maybe it’s not the right time, or that the person isn’t really into me like that, or that love always ends badly anyway.

And just like that, I don’t show up.

Sometimes I give excuses—“Oh, something came up,” or “I wasn’t feeling well.” Other times, I simply ghost, and later I sit on my bed, phone in hand, feeling guilty and weirdly relieved at the same time.

I know it sounds messy, but it’s my truth.

Maybe that’s why Tatiana’s song hits differently. It’s like she took emotions I couldn’t quite explain and turned them into lyrics. Because truly, me and love don’t get along. At least, not yet.

It’s not that I don’t want love. I do. I want to be loved, to have someone who understands me without me having to explain every mood swing or quiet phase. But at the same time, I’m scared of love. Scared of opening up too much, of trusting someone and watching it all fall apart like before.

Love, for me, feels like standing near a fire—you crave its warmth, but you also know it can burn.

So, I find myself caught in this strange loop: craving connection but also building walls; wanting to be seen but staying hidden; saying “I want someone who stays” while secretly hoping they don’t get too close.

And that’s okay. I’m learning that maybe this phase of my life isn’t about finding love from someone else. Maybe it’s about learning to be comfortable with myself first—to sit with my loneliness without letting it scare me, to understand my patterns without judging them, and to heal before I try to share my heart again.

Because deep down, I know I’ll eventually show up for love. I’ll eventually stop cancelling, stop running, stop overthinking. But for now, I’m okay with listening to “Me and Love Don’t Get Along” on repeat while figuring things out.

I’ll dance to it, laugh about it, maybe even cry a little sometimes. But I’ll keep living, keep growing, and keep believing that one day, love and I might actually find our rhythm.

Until then, I’m that girl who plays heartbreak songs on repeat, smiles at her reflection, and whispers,
“Maybe love and I don’t get along yet—but we’re learning.”