It feels like summer, a summer on pause.
I have a daily bus ride with my brother, or it's that way when I'm not working. Every person with autism is different, and not everyone meets the same criteria, but as far as sticking to a routine and being a little inflexible (more so than the average person) to change it, it's something he has in common with everyone we've met with his condition. Sometimes I've wondered if he could tell us, if he wants something more than what he does now, or if he's happy, or if he just feels comfortable.
At that stop where we sit and wait for the bus that he likes to ride and take a ride, is where I sit and watch the people go by, the little animals walk by, the sky show itself impassively before my gaze, and life itself pass by in what can be 15 minutes or two hours. In that time of solitude with my thoughts, oblivious to everyone else, is where I reflect on the last thing on my mind to elaborate.
A few days ago, a stray cat interrupted the course of my thoughts while I was at the bus stop. Cats are my weakness, especially if they are on the street and allow me to pet them, because they are almost always so wary or skittish that it is difficult to have contact with them. This kitty walked between my legs, meowed at me and even laid down on my lap (but wouldn't let me take any decent pictures of him, it seems he wasn't a big fan of a camera near him). I figured from how affectionate he was he must be a house cat, and honestly, I hope I'm right and he has a home to come back to.
The kitten reminded me of a song I love, which has such a calm sound but with movement at the same time; everything in this song reminds me of summer, and not for nothing its title is "Feels Like Summer", by Childish Gambino. The video has the curious (and grandly animated) detail of featuring many African-American celebrities for the most part, so the first time I watched it, I was drawn to know the lyrics in their entirety. The impression this song has left on me since the first time I heard it has remained, and it sums up how I feel about it in the following:
Seven billion souls that move around the sun
Rolling faster, faster, not a chance to slow down
Slow down
The world is speeding up every day and we don't have time to process one thing when another is already happening. One war is not over when another begins. We don't finish a fashion style when another trend is already starting. We don't finish wearing out the new when it's already becoming old.
Air that kill the bees that we depend upon
Birds were made for singing, wakin' up to no sound
No sound
I ask to live adventures, but when time speeds up as fast as a summer, I find myself full of uncertainty, of not knowing if I will be able to adapt to what is coming. Nature's life is drained so fast by the eternal summer we live in. A summer in decay.
I know
Oh, I know you know that pain
I'm hopin' that this world will change
(Ooo, I hope this world will change)
But it just seems the same
(It feels like the same)
My pain is not your pain, but we all hurt something. And we can be hurt by something we haven't even held in our hands. Ideas can hurt, especially those that don't materialize. Wishing for the world to change and for it to stay the same is an idea that hurts.
But asking for change is not the same as agreeing to that change. And my brother's routine, the unexpected caress of a kitten who barely knows me, the people I see passing by busy with their errands, the impassive sky before my gaze and the little animals walking... They give me a sense of stability and sanity. They give me hope that everything can change, but that the constant also gives support and that you can want so much more beyond what you have now.
But what's there now is what you have, and that's okay.
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