Fantasies: my coping mechanism

Amidst the silence, I pondered deeply at what life has presented to me. The opportunities, and privileges I've come across and the rewards it's yielded but then, I realized that I've just been repeating the same cycles over and over... make some little cash, then boom! I'm back to where I started.

Source

My thoughts were amplified when I plugged in my earphones, listening to a song that made me reflect on my 24 years existence on Earth and the song is none other than "Everything I wanted" by Billie Ellish.

The song wasn't the original one, rather, it was a cover by an artist, Jp Cooper.

His voice had this unique spin to the song, the type that makes a song seem new to the ears as though you were hearing it for the first time.

For a moment I envisaged having the things I've always desired: wealth posterity, peace, contempt. Desires of which seems somewhat far away from me. My mind travelled tru and fro, analyzing years of life within seconds.

The lyrics of the song was enchanting, captivating, and therapeutic. I got catapulted to a world of fantasy where I saw myself having the things life never gave me. There was smile on my face, one that'll leave people questioning my sanity but well, I guess that's what music can do. It may make one seem stupid to the eyes of observers and onlookers, but to the person, it'll seem just like paradise.

I visualized myself as a happy man, a man with purpose, an independent man with the capability of facing reality. This gave me a momentary reason to grip onto hope, a reason to say:it's not over until it's actually over. This might just be the reason for most suicidal acts,they prolly had no string of hope to hold onto in reality, neither Could they create that reality in their fantasies. Perhaps if they did, there would have been an ephemeral feeling of contempt which might have been all that's needed. A distraction from the reality that we can't get what we want out of life is an escape route and coping mechanism.

A moment with music can obscure the harsh reality of life. It can create a temporary cover where you can hide your failures. You get that feeling where you're so immersed in a song that you see yourself singing the song as the original artist? Yeah, that's the same way I felt, only this time, my thoughts weren't about being an artist but being a Man the same man I've worked had and (I'm working hard) to become.

After a while, I felt this refreshing peace. It was almost as though I met a therapist meanwhile, it was nothing other than music!

Perhaps that day is coming, a day Where my wants and desires wouldn't be a thing of fantasy but rather, a physical representation of the person I'll be. Perhaps one day I'll look back at the boy I once was and smile at the Man I've grown to become.